love slaves

In my family, we have a terrible tradition; we call it "The Love Slaves." It all started many years ago (at least 15, but probably not 20) when my mom's crazy cousin gave a small bronze statue to my grandparents. I'm sure it was a copy of some famous work, but I have no idea what it might have been and my Google search terms are only resulting in fetish sites and weird abstract art. Anyway, the statue featured a man and a woman, naked, kneeling and facing each other, and kissing. So Gram and Grandpa had this statue, but they weren't sure what to do with it, so they just set it on a table in the family room. Eventually, one of their enterprising and creative children (I'm not pointing any fingers, but I can hazard a guess) draped a chain around the figures, and put up a sign that read, "Mike and Bev: Love Slaves Forever." And thus the Love Slaves were born.


Eager to get rid of the thing, Gram and Grandpa gave it as a gift during my Uncle Steve and Aunt Pam's engagement party. Steve and Pam then gave it to the next of the siblings to get married, and so forth. Along the way, the statue was "lost" (again, I'm not pointing any fingers, but I suspect foul play) and a few weddings took place without it. "Fortunately" for me, one of my enterprising family members came up with a replacement, just in time for my engagement party. The new Love Slaves statue is a replica of Rodin's The Kiss, only not nearly as nice.


And so the tradition continues, but now we're really having fun with it. When my cousin Amelia got married last year, my mom altered the Love Slaves with a coat of bright yellow paint (for reasons that escape me), then painted on the (known) tattoos of Amelia and Todd. And now it's Bethany and Joe's turn. The Love Slaves have been freshly painted in a classy blue-and-white scheme, with distinctive features added. You'll notice that the man is bald (my mom made a plaster mold to achieve that effect) and the woman has long brown hair. Tattoos have been added, but the crowning touch really is that the male statue is missing a couple of toes (Joe had a lawnmower accident as a kid).

And now we just wait for the next unsuspecting victim...er, bride or groom.