covid diary: day 80

barn swallow wants to make a nest on the front porch

This Washington Post headline pretty much says it all: "Gripped by Disease, Unemployment, and Outrage at the Police, America Plunges into Crisis."

We watched last night as protests erupted in cities all over the country. The killing of George Floyd was the event that started them, but these protests are about much more than one incident. They're about years, decades, centuries of systemic racism in this country. They're about ingrained attitudes white people carry that allow them to dehumanize and disconnect from the humanity of people of color. We're all born into this racist system, and right now its effects have been laid bare in a way that simply cannot fail to get the attention of any white person with a shred of decency. Black people are suffering and dying disproportionately from COVID-19. They're suffering disproportionately from the effects of mass unemployment coupled with draconian cuts to the nation's safety net programs. They've lived for generations with the ripple effects from slavery, from segregation, from redlining, even from bias in standardized testing for students. It's always been there; it's just impossible to ignore in this moment.

The response to these protests has been really instructive. We've seen police arresting reporters (of color) for reporting on the protests in Milwaukee, police shooting pepper bullets at (women) reporters doing their jobs in Louisville, a white man tackling a (woman) reporter in Phoenix while she was in the middle of reporting on the protests. Police are tear gassing the crowds, firing rubber bullets and pepper bullets and indiscriminately spraying mace as they drive by.

We've also seen lawyers all across the country, in Minneapolis, Houston, Atlanta, New York, Los Angeles, offering to represent protesters pro bono if they get arrested. We've seen the Indian owners of the Gandhi Mahal restaurant in Minneapolis, which was next door to the third precinct police department and got damaged in the same fire that took out the police building, issue a statement that says, in part, "Let my building burn, justice needs to be served, put those officers in jail. ... Gandhi Mahal may have felt the flames last night, but our fiery drive to help protect and stand with our community will never die! Peace be with everyone." We've seen people from all over the world donate to bail funds and use whatever platforms they have to stand in solidarity with the protesters.

We've seen the president incite violence and try to blame this too on Democrats. And we've seen Joe Biden step up and express his deepest, truest empathy with the grief and despair being felt all over the nation. Listen, we all know that Joe Biden was never my choice for the Democratic nomination, but if there's one thing he's really, really great at, it's empathy. Joe Biden has experienced tremendous personal losses, and that enables him to connect with people who are hurting at a level that Trump could never even understand, let alone aspire to.

And just as a side note: My picks never end up being what actually happens, but if I could pick his running mate, it would be Rep. Val Demings (D-FL). So I'm going to lay down my marker, and we'll see what ends up happening. (Mike thinks Biden will choose Elizabeth Warren, who would also be excellent, as she is at everything she does, so I'll just lay down his marker now too.)

Much closer to home, cases of COVID-19 have nearly doubled in our county in the span of a single week since we entered phase whatever of the ridiculous Back on Track Indiana plan and everything started reopening. The increase has prompted our county health department to issue a warning to people to protect themselves. And Elkhart County, where my brother lives, was named by the NYT as one of the top 10 emerging hotspots in the country.

These are very scary times, friends.

Nationwide cases: 1,747,087. Deaths: 102,836.

covid diary: day 78

a charm of goldfinches

In my work, we see a lot of announcements from companies. The companies, understandably, want to make sure there are no grammatical errors before they make their big announcements, so a lot of times we get to see things before they are made public. Some of these things are more interesting than others. For example, I knew well before it was official that a certain prominent political figure would be entering the presidential primary this year, because my company works with that candidate's marketing company, so we proofed all the materials before they were released. There were strict confidentiality guidelines involved, so I'm not going to say the candidate's name, but suffice it to say that candidate did very well.

Anyway.

So like I said, a lot of these little "advance notice" things I see at work are completely mundane. But today I saw something that caught my eye: an announcement from a marketing company saying that the company was shutting down its physical office and would be working remotely exclusively from here on out. The company, like so many others, was plunged into working from home in March at the start of the pandemic, but the leadership team was surprised to find that it was a huge success in terms of both employee productivity and customer satisfaction, so they decided to make the move permanent.

I've been wondering for a while now if we would see a huge wave of announcements like these, and how the changing nature of how we work will ripple out to impact all industries. Think about it. If even half of the people who previously worked in offices need to switch to permanently working from home, that creates a lot of opportunities and challenges. It changes the construction industry if there is no longer as much of a call for big office buildings. It changes the auto industry if people aren't commuting as much. It changes the real estate industry if people have to factor in home offices when they look for a new place to live. And I can tell you from personal experience that it opens up a whole world of possibilities for people who discover that having a job that can be done from anywhere means that you can live wherever you choose. It's been 13 years since we made that shift, and while I still miss the camaraderie of working in an office, I have no doubt that the benefits well outweigh the downsides. The biggest benefit, of course, is that my boys are growing up with family all around them. I've never lacked for help when I've needed it, for someone to help deal with schedule conflicts and make sure everyone gets where they need to go at the right times. The boys have constant access to a whole cast of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, which is utterly priceless to me. And of course, being in a place where we could afford a house with a yard was a huge factor too.

I guess we'll see. Maybe this announcement I read was an outlier, or maybe it's just the first little pebble at the start of an avalanche.

Out in the world today, things are very scary. The president doesn't like being fact-checked, so he's going after social media platforms that dare to check him. In Minneapolis, protests over the police killing of George Floyd, an unarmed black man, have continued, and late tonight they escalated to the point that one police precinct was on fire, and the local Target was looted after it refused to sell milk to protesters who had been tear-gassed by the police (the milk eases the sting of tear gas in the eyes). Remember back to the armed white dudes protesting in the Michigan legislature, and how I speculated that police would never let black people behave in the same way? Yeah, we're seeing it in real time. They're protesting the fact that the whole world has now literally watched (because bystanders took videos while they pleaded with the police to stop, to let up, to please not do this) as one police officer knelt on the neck of George Floyd for more than 8 minutes, while other police officers held his arms and legs, and Floyd told them that he couldn't breathe, that everything hurt, that they should please not kill him. But they did. They killed that man for the ALLEGED crime of trying to use a counterfeit $20 bill to buy groceries. And here is white privilege at its most basic: If I had tried to use a counterfeit $20 bill to buy groceries, do you think I would have ended up being restrained by four police officers, who then killed me by kneeling on my neck until I suffocated? OF COURSE NOT. I am one year younger than George Floyd, but I'm a white lady instead of a black man, so I get the presumption of innocence and the benefit of the doubt without me having to do a single thing, while George Floyd gets tried, convicted, and executed within the span of 10 minutes. I understand completely why the people of Minneapolis are rebelling right now. There's only so much they can be expected to endure.

credit: Carlos Gonzalez/Star Tribune

More than 100,000 people have died of COVID-19, and the president spent the day attacking Twitter, and the night threatening to send the military to shoot the people of Minneapolis. Yes, he did that, tweeting that he will send in the national guard and warning that "when the looting starts, the shooting starts." This country is a tinderbox, and he uses his words like lit matches. I am afraid for my fellow citizens — my fellow humans — in Minnesota.

At home, it rained all day, and I worked all day. Mike took Henry to a drive-through parade at his school to say goodbye to his teachers and the people at school he has known since kindergarten. All the teachers and school personnel lined up in the school pickup line to wave as cars drove through and kids leaned out to wave back. He'll be at a different school next year (provided that school opens in the fall), and this was a bittersweet way to say goodbye. After the parade, I got a message from his teacher and another from the school librarian telling me how glad they were to see him today, and how much they'll miss him next year.

And finally, in a break from the rain, we watched this European starling mama teach her fledglings how to forage for bugs in the grass, and it was delightful.

Nationwide cases: 1,721,926. Deaths: 101,621.

covid diary: day 77

artist's depiction by Chase Stone

mike here again. i'll be your coronablogger for the evening.

i was reading this interesting post on gizmodo today, and it discussed the asteroid that created the 150-mile-wide chicxulub impact crater off the yucatan coast 66 million years ago, directly leading to the extinction of the dinosaurs. a study led by Imperial College London ran a bunch of computer simulations, and it determined that the impactor hit the earth at the worst possible angle, causing the maximum amount of destruction and environmental calamity. geophysicist and lead researcher Gareth Collins described it as a "worst-case scenario," saying that "the asteroid strike unleashed an incredible amount of climate-changing gases into the atmosphere, triggering a chain of events that led to the extinction of the dinosaurs...this was likely worsened by the fact that it struck at one of the deadliest possible angles." that's some seriously bad luck for those poor dinosaurs. not that they had a choice.

so at this point you may be saying: "mike, why are you talking about asteroids and extinctions and impact angles?" oooohhh, i'm so glad you asked! i saw this earlier today, and it made me laugh:

from amazon, could not find an artist attribution, because amazon

i highly doubt that anybody really wants all human life to be wiped out by an enormous asteroid or comet. this kind of thing shows up every four years, and everybody has a good chuckle. you may be wondering what this has to do with the coronavirus, and the answer is: nothing. absolutely nothing. the coronavirus is not going to wipe out humanity (as far as we know), although one could argue that it's putting a significant dent into it. nevertheless, society (such as it is) will continue in some form or another.

however, we (you, me, your family, the people at the store, and all the other members of society, which is everyone) have an enormous amount of influence on 1) how much this pandemic affects us right now, and 2) how much this pandemic will affect us into the future. so when various governments (federal, state, local) talk about "opening up" and "back to business," that does not mean "all clear, the pandemic is over!" holli touched on this in yesterday's post, describing memorial day activities and the staggering lack of common sense on display. lake of the ozarks in missouri, and the beaches in florida, and lake geneva in wisconsin, and the promenade in venice in california, and myrtle beach in south carolina, and on and on and on, and the martin's supermarket in plymouth in indiana. people have started acting like the pandemic is gone. it is not. it is still here and spreading. if you think it is okay to let your guard down now, then you are a fool.

i know our wet baby president is leading the "open up" chants and mocking people for doing the things that health professionals strenuously recommend, like wearing a mask in public and practicing social distancing. be aware that he is not a health professional. he ignores and belittles those people. what you need to understand, on both a deeply intellectual and visceral level, is that the president is a fucking idiot. he is only concerned with his public image and his poll numbers, and he is stupid on a level that has not been previously experienced or even contemplated by rational-thinking individuals. he doesn't care about you, unless you lie to cover for him or donate a bunch of money to him.

please wear a mask when you go out in public. please practice social distancing. please wash your hands frequently. please don't go to places or attend events that expose you to dozens or hundreds of other people. this is to protect yourself, and also everyone else. we will get through this, but only if we actually try. and based on what people are doing in the last week or so, we are not trying.

did anything happen in the news today? i have no clue, as i spent the day outside putting the rest of the tomatoes, peppers, and seeds in the garden. i have some amazing spots of sunburn, as i apparently missed with the sunscreen in a variety of places. but the garden is finally in. i should have gotten it done two weeks ago, but at this point in my life, if it's done by june 1, i consider myself ahead of the game. i still have about 10 pepper and tomato plants left over, so i'm not sure what to do with those. anybody need any?

i just saw that the impeached popular-vote-loser president has threatened to shut down twitter because twitter put a link on his anti-vote-by-mail tweets that leads to articles showing that the president's tweets are total bullshit. nevermind that drumpf (that's how his name was spelled in the old country) has absolutely no power or authority to enforce such a proclamation. or that he clearly doesn't understand the first amendment of the Constitution, which he swore (hahahahaha) to protect, so help him god (hahahahaha). or that twitter should have shut him down years ago. or that twitter hasn't shut him down for falsely accusing a media critic of murder. supposedly he's going to release an executive order tomorrow (thursday) to "regulate" social media, and i'm sure that won't be a total shitshow and also outside his power. anything to distract from the 100,000 dead americans. and let's be honest, do you really think the impeached popular-vote-loser would shut down twitter? he'd spontaneously combust.

like i said, i was out working in the garden all day. i kept hearing a bird call from all over the yard, but i didn't recognize it. eventually i caught sight of one of the birds in question mid-call, and it was a baltimore oriole. judging by the number of individuals i heard singing, there must be dozens of those birds in our yard. this makes me happy. however, my favorite birds are the tree swallows, which are occupying the slot bird house in the pasture. they fly formation with me when i mow the yard, feasting on the bugs i scare up with the mower. so awesome, so pretty.

my source is different from holli's. nationwide cases: 1,739,517. deaths: 101,904.

covid diary: day 76

Mount Baldy's backside, Indiana Dunes NP

All across the country, people celebrated the long holiday weekend in very stupid ways. In Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri, the pools and bars and yacht clubs were so crowded that St. Louis County issued a travel advisory warning people not to go there and calling it "an international example of bad judgment." You got that right, St. Louis County executive!

Even locally, we watched some of our neighbors across the street have a big party that lasted all day and well into the night. Sure, they were outdoors (hence the watching) but it's a small yard, and there were a LOT of people there, and they were all yelling and drinking and carousing, so I don't imagine there were many good decisions happening there. All the stores and restaurants were extremely crowded, and at most places people weren't even wearing masks (or purposely weren't wearing masks).

The death toll is almost at 100,000 Americans, and the president spent the long weekend golfing (without a mask, of course). Does he have zero idea of optics? I thought he was supposed to be some master manipulator of imaging. Oh, forgot to mention: between rounds of golf, he found time to go on Twitter and call Hillary Clinton a "skank," mock Stacey Abrams for her weight, and threaten to move the entire Republican National Convention to "a hotel ballroom in Florida" (gee, I wonder if he has a particular hotel in mind?) if North Carolina's governor won't commit now to allowing full attendance at the events scheduled in Charlotte, coronavirus be damned.

In contrast, Joe Biden emerged from his isolation for the first time in months to lay a wreath for Memorial Day. He wore a mask, as did his wife, Dr. Jill Biden. He came out of isolation to honor others (including, of course, his late son Beau, who served in the Gulf War), and to model leadership. Thanks, Joe Biden.

great blue heron

wood duck

I spent most of the weekend working, though I did put on a mask and go to the farmer's market Saturday morning with Bethany. Sunday morning, I convinced Mike to get up super early (5 a.m.) to drive to the heron rookery near Indiana Dunes so we could do some birding, but it turns out the entire area was flooded by heavy storms the past few days, so we couldn't access anything, and it was a real letdown, so we turned around and came back home. We managed to see a couple of great blue herons, and a wood duck up in a tree, but that's about it. Monday morning, Henry was up early (he said it was too hot to sleep) so he and I went for a walk on the greenway trail, hoping to spot some birds. Unfortunately for me, silence is Henry's sworn enemy, so he doesn't make the best birding partner, but it was a nice (if muggy) walk.

the mighty Yellow River

frightener of birds

And while I was working inside, Mike was working outside on the yard. He's got a couple of big projects going on, including the annual expansion of the garden beds (he does a little more every year; if we stay in this house long enough maybe he'll take over the whole yard ... which I wouldn't complain about). He made the boys go out and help him a little bit each day, and there was much complaining about the unfairness of it all. It's a hard-knock life, y'all.

Nationwide cases: 1,680,625. Deaths: 98,902.

covid diary: day 74

Today's front page of the New York Times:

U.S. DEATHS NEAR 100,000, AN INCALCULABLE LOSS



The front page features 1,000 mini obituaries, representing only 1 percent of the people killed by COVID-19. And here is 1 percent of those 1,000 mini obituaries.

Albert Petrocelli, 73, New York City. Fire chief who answered the call on 9/11.

Helen Kafkis, 91, Chicago. Known for her Greek chicken and stuffed peppers.

Lakisha Willis White, 45, Orlando. Was helping to raise some of her dozen grandchildren.

Kyra Swartz, 33, New York. Volunteered for pet rescue organizations.

Eugene Lamar Limbrick, 41, Colorado Springs. Loved automobiles, especially trucks.

Israel Sauz, 22, Broken Arrow, OK. New father.

Susan Grey Hopp Crofoot, 97, Westwood, NJ. Took great joy in writing little ditties under her pen name, Penelope Penwiper.

Ruth Skapinok, 85, Roseville, CA. Backyard birds were known to eat from her hand.

Mauricio Valdivia, 52, Chicago. Wanted everyone to feel welcome.

Cornelia Ann Hunt, 87, Virginia Beach. Her last words were "thank you."

covid diary: day 72

Eastern bluebird in the early morning

So here's something interesting: We're not hearing a lot about African countries being overwhelmed by COVID-19. According to the Johns Hopkins COVID-19 map (which, incidentally, is the also the source I use for nationwide cases/deaths in the U.S. every day), it looks like South Africa has the most cases, at 19,137, and also the most deaths at 369. Now, relative to other trackers of COVID-19 cases/deaths, Johns Hopkins tends to report lower "official" numbers, but it's a very reputable source, and a fairly easy-to-use interface.

Anyway. As I was saying. Not much is being reported about African countries being hit hard by the virus, and I've sort of been wondering why, but just assumed it was because we had enough to worry about at home. But maybe there's another reason, and that reason is this: Because many African countries have found ways to deal with the outbreak better than we have.

Today I read a piece in The Guardian that at least partially confirms this, and it asks a question right in the headline that I think is pretty damned important: "Why are Africa's coronavirus successes being overlooked?" It doesn't actually answer the question (cough worldwide racism, history of colonialism, bias against "third-world" countries cough), but it makes a case that we should definitely be paying more attention. For example:

Senegal is in a good position because its Covid-19 response planning began in earnest in January, as soon as the first international alert on the virus went out. The government closed the borders, initiated a comprehensive plan of contact tracing and, because it is a nation of multiple-occupation households, offered a bed for every single coronavirus patient in either a hospital or a community health facility. 

As a result, this nation of 16 million people has had only 30 deaths. Each death has been acknowledged individually by the government, and condolences paid to the family. You can afford to see each death as a person when the numbers are at this level. At every single one of those stages, the UK did the opposite, and is now facing a death toll of more than 35,000.

Look at that bolded sentence again. You can afford to see each death as a person when the numbers are at this level. Here in America, we can't do that. Unless the virus hits close to home on an individual level, we can only imagine things like the Rose Bowl (capacity: 90,888) filled to capacity, then imagine every single one of the people inside (plus a few thousand more tailgating in the parking lot) dead in the space of three months. Look. Visualize it.

In that Guardian article, the reporter mentions a plant, artemisia annua, or sweet wormwood, a member of the daisy family, that has shown some promise as a treatment for COVID-19. But then she is very careful to note that she didn't take African countries' word for it. No, she contacted a "respected" research institute in Germany to verify that they are also researching the same plant (though a variety grown in Kentucky). Listen, I'm all for verifying research, but the way this is presented (not that this is the author's viewpoint, but that she is arguing against it as a common viewpoint around the world) is that it's not a real treatment unless some European or American institute declares it to be. And likely gets the credit for it in the process.

At home, it's the last day of school. YIPPEE! I mean that sincerely. Liam finished with all A's and has done a really great job at managing his time every week and staying in contact with his teachers throughout. He has checked in with me often to tell me what he's up to, but just because he's interested in talking about it, not because I have demanded updates. Max has probably found this the most challenging, because he has his father's propensity for procrastination, and once you procrastinate on a a few things, then the teachers add more assignments, eventually it snowballs into an overwhelming mess that you don't know how to deal with. This week has been rough for him, but today he ended up with only two assignments to finish out the year, and hopefully he has learned a valuable lesson about staying on top of things when he goes to high school (!!!) next year. With the exception of the hated writing assignments, Henry has basically breezed through the end of fourth grade with no trouble, and he's more than ready to start at Riverside in the fall. From here on out, as far as k-12 goes, at most we will only have kids in two different schools, so I'm pretty pleased about that. I'm so proud of all three of these boys for getting through this school year. I know they've missed their friends, and even probably (gasp!) their teachers, but this is a huge accomplishment.

Finally, today is the last day of steady work for Mike, who is laid off as of this afternoon. He'll definitely be out of work next week, then probably on one week, off one week for the foreseeable future, and then who knows what will happen. Guess we'll have to wait and see.

Nationwide cases: 1,600,481. Deaths: 95,921.

covid diary: day 71

I'm a tufted titmouse, and even I know something
about this advice is really sketchy.

Great news, you guys! Governor Holcomb said we can move to Phase 3 of reopening the state two days early! I'm sure that has nothing to do with reopening more stuff on Friday of a holiday weekend instead of making people wait until Sunday. So now you can go to the gym, or spend the weekend at a campground, or stay in one of our glorious state park inns, or go to the movies or the mall. You can dine in at restaurants or go drink at the bar. You can even have gatherings of up to 100 people! Isn't exciting?

Um.

Every day in Indiana, there are roughly 500 new cases of COVID-19 diagnosed. Some days there are more, and some days there are less. (Today, there were a whopping 676!) But friends, we don't even meet the *first* criteria set out in the federal guidelines for reopening (a 14-day downward trend in cases), let alone any of the other metrics.

But I guess that's cool, because most of the other states don't either, and they're all reopening.

Listen, I want things to be back to normal as much as anyone does. I want work to be steady and jobs to be plentiful and everyone to be traveling footloose and fancy free. I've got a lot of national parks still on my list, along with a bunch of other places I'd like to see and to show the boys. I miss going to the pool. I want to be able to buy toilet paper freely, for heaven's sake. But we're not there yet, and we won't be there for a long, long time to come.

So the governor can say it's so much safer now and we should feel free to congregate and get back to normal, but it's not, so we can't.

Nationwide cases: 1,577,758. Deaths: 94,729.

covid diary: day 70

You're never too big to play in a shipping box.

This morning I had a phone conversation (hi Barb!) that made me stop and think about why I'm keeping this pandemic diary, and more broadly, the blog.

And really, there have always been only three reasons: Liam. Max. Henry.

The blog started out because I suck at keeping baby books with little milestones and snippets of their hair and all the miscellaneous ephemera that comes along with having kids. I'm not great at scrapbooking, I thought, but I can write, so I'll do that. From the very beginning, it's been a love letter to the boys documenting not just their baby milestones and the young men they've become, but the things we're trying to teach them, the values we want to instill in them, and the knowledge we want to leave them with.

I think about what they will be like as adult men, and how one day they will run into a set of circumstances that will seem impossible, and maybe they'll think to themselves that their parents never lost their cool when faced with tough times, and they'll wonder why it's so hard for them now when their parents faced more and it didn't seem so hard for them. And I want them to know that that is absolutely not the case. Sometimes losing your cool is the *only* logical reaction. Or feeling despair. Or anger. Or grief. I want them to someday read about this pandemic in their mother's words and know that it's perfectly appropriate to feel overwhelmed with grief and sadness and rage when circumstances warrant. And most importantly, that you can feel overwhelmed by those things and still keep going.

The thing about keeping this blog is that it's predicated on the idea that the boys will be around to read it later on, that they will treasure my words when I'm not here. It's an optimistic view that assumes that life will carry on, even when we feel like our democracy and maybe even our world are on the brink of extinction. Writing every post is an act of love, and just as important, it's an act of hope.

With every post, I'm beaming out a signal to Future Liam, Future Max, Future Henry. And that signal says: Don't give up. You've got this. You are loved. You are seen. You are brave, even when you don't feel like it. You can feel all the feelings, and express all the feelings, and still keep going.

This is true not just in pandemic times, but always.

Every post is a declaration of love.

Every post is a stubborn hope.


Nationwide cases: 1,548,646. Deaths: 93,163.

covid diary: day 69

"Behold my shimmery throat"

A lot of stuff is happening in a really rapid fashion, and it's awfully hard to keep up with it all. Here is just a partial list, in no particular order

1. The president says he's taking hydroxychloroquine as a preventive so he doesn't catch the coronavirus. This is completely and totally stupid and dangerous. Kids, don't take untested drugs, especially when they have side effects like heart attacks and hallucinations. Also, stop and think for a second about the leader of the whole damned country making decisions while hallucinating.

2. The national parks are starting to reopen, and the president is encouraging people to go visit them. Karen Pence, the vice president's wife, even went to ceremoniously reopen Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Yeah, you'll never guess what happened. People crowded into parks, didn't observe social distancing, and mostly didn't wear masks. The scenes from the webcams at Yellowstone are kind of unbelievable. Do these people have a death wish? Do they think the crisis is over? Or maybe they think it was all made up in the first place?

This was today, you guys!
Photo credit: Gabriela Campos/The Guardian

3. The president fired yet another inspector general and illegally locked him out of his workplace at the State Department. Key to this is that the president didn't even know the IG. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo asked the president to fire the IG. The president asked one question, and shockingly, it wasn't "Hey, Mike, why do you want to fire this guy? Is it because he's investigating your illegal use of federal funds to have formal parties that are essentially political events for your future campaigns? Or maybe it's because he's investigating your use of government workers to do menial tasks like walk your dog? Or maybe because you gave your wife an office at the State Department when that should never ever happen?" Nah. The president asked, "Who appointed the IG?" and when Pompeo told him Obama had appointed the IG, that was as good a reason as any, so the IG got fired. The corruption never ends.

4. The National Guard was deployed in March to aid in the pandemic response, and today news broke that the administration plans to recall all Guard members on June 24. This is significant because June 24 is 89 days of service for the first groups who were deployed, and at 90 days of active service, they qualify for the GI Bill and some retirement benefits. So these people who have been out there on the front lines building hospitals and conducting testing and even disinfecting nursing homes are going to get completely screwed over. It's deliberate, it's cruel, and it shows an absolute lack of respect for our armed forces. (As if we didn't know his lack of respect already.)

5. Trump is refusing to follow tradition by unveiling the official White House portrait of his predecessor. Why? Because he's a racist, cowardly baby who knows he isn't even a tenth of the decent human being and great leader Barack Obama is.

6. Speaking of Obama (I miss you, Barack and Michelle!), today the Trump administration released a "smoking gun" email written by then-National Security Advisor Susan Rice after a briefing with President Obama, FBI Director James Comey, and others. The subject of the briefing was that it was very concerning to Comey that incoming National Security Advisor Michael Flynn (who, let's recall, pleaded guilty twice to lying to the FBI and was secretly working for the government of Turkey, among other dirty dealings, but now the Trump administration is trying to make the case that somehow Flynn was innocent and Obama was the real criminal good god is there no low point in this nightmare) was having a "concerning" number of phone calls with Russian Ambassador Kislyak. So guess what the scandal was. Go on, guess what HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE PLOT Obama hatched that day. You're going to be shocked. Obama told everyone in the room that the entire investigation needs to proceed strictly "by the book." He then further told Comey, with everyone listening, that he was not weighing in on any investigative decisions because, let's remember, the FBI is supposed to be able to operate independently of political pressure. He said Comey should simply let Obama know if the concern ever became enough to warrant limiting the information made available to Flynn through briefings. That's it. That's what happened. And somehow Trump wants us to believe that this is OBAMAGATE THE BIGGEST SCANDAL IN THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY. Come ON.

7. Today was the annual meeting of the World Health Assembly, the generally assembly of the World Health Organization, and leaders from various countries (Xi of China, Merkel of Germany, Macron of France, others) spoke about how their countries will work together through the WHO to fight the pandemic. You know who doesn't want to be on the team? If you guessed USA USA USA, you're right! Secretary of Health and Human Services Alex Azar gave a speech picking a fight with China instead of focusing on how we fix this mess, and Trump wrote a letter to the WHO spouting lots of lies and threatening to permanently revoke U.S. funding for WHO. Cool, so while everyone else is working together to responsibly and safely find a way for the world to get through this, U.S. leaders are over here throwing a temper tantrum and saying they're gonna take their ball and go home. Too bad home is filled with coronavirus, eh?

8. And all of this is just a distraction to pull attention away from the fact that more than 90,000 Americans have died from COVID-19 since March, and every week, about 10,000 more die.

Meanwhile, at home, Max slept until 3:30 p.m., then came downstairs and told me he was still tired. I would worry that he has mono or something, except he doesn't have any other symptoms, and honestly, I could also happily sleep 20 hours a day until this shitshow is over and it's safe to go places again. Liam got up early (ha! it was 9:30) to do yet more homework all day, and Henry wore his crusader helmet all day while playing a medieval-themed video game. At work, Mike heard that he might not be laid off next week, then he heard that he would be laid off, then that he would not be, then that maybe he would. I guess it depends on if they get all their special products made this week or not. So ... maybe? All this uncertainty is definitely bringing down morale around here. It took like three hours for him to decompress enough to enjoy watching all the swallows (we have barn swallows AND tree swallows!) swooping all over the pasture. Are we reaching a breaking point? Probably not, because there's really no limit to how awful this can get. But it's really unpleasant nonetheless.

Nationwide cases: 1,528,661. Deaths: 91,938.

covid diary: day 68

What's a weekend anymore? It's getting pretty hard to distinguish between weekdays and weekends since we pretty much spend them the same way.

Saturday morning, I went down to the office to work, and Mike went to do the weekly grocery shop. He tried to stop at Lowe's for some plants too, but it was so busy that he ended up leaving without buying anything. He took Henry to Jag's, the little plant nursery down the road from us, where Mike bought tomatoes and peppers, and Henry played with the Rottweilers the owners raise.

In the afternoon, I played pandemic barber again, this time for Henry. He had been growing his hair out, but once he got his helmet, he realized what a pain it is to have his hair in his eyes all the time, so he requested a summer buzz cut. He's never looked more like Mike than he does right now. (Yes, yes, I know. He looks just like me. But his hairline/straight hair is just like Mike's!)

On Sunday, a treat: My aunt Chris took a break from being terrorized at her work job by scowling armed white terrorists, and instead made a family genealogy trivia quiz for us. The rules were pretty simple: She sent the quiz at 2:30, we all had to turn in our answers by 3:00, then we had a family meeting via Google Meet to go over the results. The execution, however, was kind of a mess. She put timers on the quiz questions, and everyone kept running out of time. Also I can't speak for anyone else, but I took my quiz on my phone, and I kept running into a problem with scrolling so I didn't see half of the options for answers. Also ALSO the questions were HARD. Like about my fourth-great-grandparents level hard. Chris took the questions from her ancestry.com account, which has a ton of Gram's old research on it.

Anyway, the result was that only my cousin Jenna even *passed* the quiz, and the rest of us failed. Great job, Jenna! Someday you'll have to tell us your secret. The meeting was fun though, and it was nice to see everyone's faces, even if I had some difficulty with the video part of my AV, and my aunts/uncles/cousins don't know that you should maybe put yourself on mute if you're not talking so everyone doesn't have to hear your TV, background conversations, etc. Laura holds Google Meets all the time for school, and I tried to get her to go into bossy teacher mode and make everyone mute themselves, but she declined.

The only other thing of note that happened this weekend was pandemic baking. I made two yellow cakes on Sunday: one from a mix, and one from scratch. I've never made a cake from scratch before. I mean, why would I, when a mix costs like $2? But I made both cakes, then I did a blind taste-test with all three boys, and for once, there was unanimity: the scratch cake is way better. I may never make another mix cake again. (Ha, don't quote me on that.)

Meanwhile, out in the rest of the country, more than 90,000 people have died. I feel like people are already forgetting the magnitude of this. They're acting like it's all over because the president and/or their governor said it's okay to go back to normal activities again, but the reality is that thousands of Americans are still dying every single day from this, and the curve is still going UP everywhere except the New York metro region. Nobody in power seems real concerned that a lot of those people are elderly folks in nursing homes, or people who work in meatpacking plants, or people who are in prison. It seems like those are acceptable losses to politicians, but they aren't acceptable to me. And knowing what's right but seeing all our elected officials treat right like it doesn't matter is really doing a number on my head.

Nationwide cases: 1,508,957. Deaths: 90,369.

covid diary: day 67

This pandemic has resulted in a lot of canceled events, perhaps none more moving than the cancellation of high school graduations across the nation. Last night, a whole group of celebrities held a "graduation" of sorts for all these kids. It featured videos from seniors across the country, a stunning rendition of the national anthem by graduates who sang together via the wonders of technology, and speeches and performances by musicians, athletes, and prominent national figures. It was a real celebration, and it moved me to tears more than once. And the keynote speech was given by President Barack Obama. It was perfect, a mix of acknowledging grim reality and offering a message of real hope. It was five minutes of remembering what it's like to have a real leader, five minutes of comfort, five minutes of real empathy and connection. I'm posting the transcript here because his words resonated so deeply. This is the message I give to my boys too: Be brave. Have hope. Make change.

Hi, everybody. Aniyah, thank you for that beautiful introduction. I could not be prouder of everything you’ve done in your time with the Obama Foundation. 

And of course, I couldn’t be prouder of all of you in the graduating Class of 2020 – as well as the teachers, coaches, and most of all, parents and family who guided have you along the way. 

Now graduating is a big achievement under any circumstances. Some of you have had to overcome serious obstacles along the way, whether it was an illness, or a parent losing a job, or living in a neighborhood where people too often count you out. Along with the usual challenges of growing up, all of you have had to deal with the added pressures of social media, reports of school shootings, and the specter of climate change. And then, just as you’re about to celebrate having made it through, just as you’ve been looking forward to proms and senior nights, graduation ceremonies – and, let’s face it, a whole bunch of parties – the world is turned upside down by a global pandemic. And as much as I’m sure you love your parents, I’ll bet that being stuck at home with them and playing board games or watching Tiger King on TV is not exactly how you envisioned the last few months of your senior year. 

Now I’ll be honest with you – the disappointments of missing a live graduation – those will pass pretty quick. I don’t remember much from my own high school graduation. I know that not having to sit there and listen to a commencement speaker isn’t all bad – mine usually go on way too long. Also, not that many people look great in those caps, especially if you have big ears like me. And you’ll have a chance to catch up with your friends once the immediate public health crisis is over. 

But what remains true is that your graduation marks your passage into adulthood – the time when you begin to take charge of your own life. It’s when you get to decide what’s important to you: the kind of career you want to pursue. Who you want to build a family with. The values you want to live by. And given the current state of the world, that may be kind of scary. 

If you’d planned on going away for college, getting dropped off at campus in the fall – that’s no longer a given. If you were planning to work while going to school, finding that first job is going to be tougher. Even families that are relatively well-off are dealing with massive uncertainty. Those who were struggling before – they’re hanging on by a thread.
All of which means that you’re going to have to grow up faster than some generations. This pandemic has shaken up the status quo and laid bare a lot of our country’s deep-seated problems – from massive economic inequality to ongoing racial disparities to a lack of basic health care for people who need it. It’s woken a lot of young people to the fact that the old ways of doing things just don’t work; that it doesn’t matter how much money you make if everyone around you is hungry and sick; and that our society and our democracy only work when we think not just about ourselves, but about each other. 

It’s also pulled the curtain back on another hard truth, something that we all have to eventually accept once our childhood comes to an end. All those adults that you used to think were in charge and knew what they were doing? It turns out that they don’t have all the answers. A lot of them aren’t even asking the right questions. So, if the world’s going to get better, it going to be up to you. 

That realization may be kind of intimidating. But I hope it’s also inspiring. With all the challenges this country faces right now, nobody can tell you “no, you’re too young to understand” or “this is how it’s always been done.” Because with so much uncertainty, with everything suddenly up for grabs, this is your generation’s world to shape.
Since I’m one of the old guys, I won’t tell you what to do with this power that rests in your hands. But I’ll leave you with three quick pieces of advice. 

First, don’t be afraid. America’s gone through tough times before – slavery and civil war, famine and disease, the Great Depression and 9/11. And each time we came out stronger, usually because a new generation, young people like you, learned from past mistakes and figured out how to make things better. 

Second, do what you think is right. Doing what feels good, what’s convenient, what’s easy – that’s how little kids think. Unfortunately, a lot of so-called grown-ups, including some with fancy titles and important jobs, still think that way – which is why things are so screwed up. I hope that instead, you decide to ground yourself in values that last, like honesty, hard work, responsibility, fairness, generosity, respect for others. You won’t get it right every time, you’ll make mistakes like we all do. But if you listen to the truth that’s inside yourself, even when it’s hard, even when its inconvenient, people will notice. They’ll gravitate towards you. And you’ll be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. 

And finally, build a community. No one does big things by themselves. Right now, when people are scared, it’s easy to be cynical and say let me just look out for myself, or my family, or people who look or think or pray like me. But if we’re going to get through these difficult times; if we’re going to create a world where everybody has the opportunity to find a job, and afford college; if we’re going to save the environment and defeat future pandemics, then we’re going to have to do it together. So be alive to one another’s struggles. Stand up for one another’s rights. Leave behind all the old ways of thinking that divide us – sexism, racial prejudice, status, greed – and set the world on a different path. 

When you need help, Michelle and I have made it the mission of our Foundation to give young people like you the skills and support to lead in your own communities, and to connect you with other young leaders around the country and around the globe. 

But the truth is that you don’t need us to tell you what to do. 

Because in so many ways, you’ve already started to lead. 

Congratulations, Class of 2020. Keep making us proud.

covid diary: day 65

So maybe you've heard of The Lancet, the British peer-reviewed medical journal that's been basically the gold standard since 1823? Today The Lancet published just a blistering editorial titled "Reviving the US CDC." The whole thing is worth reading, but here's the conclusion:

The Trump administration's further erosion of the CDC will harm global cooperation in science and public health, as it is trying to do by defunding WHO. A strong CDC is needed to respond to public health threats, both domestic and international, and to help prevent the next inevitable pandemic. Americans must put a president in the White House come January, 2021, who will understand that public health should not be guided by partisan politics.

Medical journals aren't really known for inserting themselves into politics, particularly the politics of other countries, so you know this is serious. It illustrates for me that what we do here in America doesn't just affect us. It affects our friends in the UK, and the rest of the world. And it lays out starkly what I already knew but wasn't really sure other countries believed: American leadership cannot be trusted right now.

Oof.

Meanwhile, at an event meant to promote the great job the U.S. is doing at developing a vaccine (good grief! the vaccine development effort is named "Operation Warp Speed." no, I'm not kidding), Trump said this: "I just want to make something clear, it's very important. Vaccine or no vaccine, we're back."

All righty then. Mission accomplished. I bet that works out as well for him as it did for George W. Bush.

In contrast, the actual scientists at the CDC said today that they track 12 different models of the spread of COVID-19. And every single one of those models is now predicting 100,000 American deaths by June 1. That's two weeks from now. [Confidential to the president: We're not back. We're dying. Do something.]

Today at work, Mike got the outlines of the plan for how his company will lay people off. My executive summary: it completely sucks. Everyone will be unemployed the week of Memorial Day (conveniently allowing the company not to provide holiday pay), then back at work the next week, then unemployed the week after that, then back at work, then they'll decide what to do next. I understand that the company is in a shitty situation. Everyone is in a shitty situation. But I really don't understand why they are taking the worst possible route for their employees' well-being and ability to prepare. I guess that's what happens when the employer has all the power and the employee has absolutely none because nobody else is hiring. (In fact, one of the supervisors expressed this sentiment to an employee who complained at Mike's company, so it's not just me being cynical.)

This week has been extra stressful for a number of reasons, but I'm trying to hold on to the good things. Elearning is almost done. Everyone here is healthy. The people I love are safe. But I'm just exhausted.

Nationwide cases: 1,443,397. Deaths: 87,568.

covid diary: day 64

Today we heard testimony from Dr. Rick Bright, the former head of the Biomedical Advanced Research and Development Authority (this is a federal agency under HHS that is in charge of fighting bioterrorism but also procuring vaccines and responding to pandemics), who was ousted by the Trump administration for sounding the alarm on the pandemic and refusing to promote hydroxychloroquine without scientific evidence that it actually worked. Dr. Bright testified in the House today as a whistleblower because he lost his job in retaliation for ... being a good scientist and doing his job. Dr. Bright had plenty to say, including that we're in deep shit (yes, he literally said that), but here's the summary:

"Our window of opportunity is closing. Without better planning, 2020 could be the darkest winter in modern history."

In contrast, here's what Trump said today. God, the stupid just hurts.

"When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn’t do any testing, we would have very few cases."

Soooooo what I'm hearing here is that he doesn't want to do any more testing, and somehow he believes that without testing, people won't get COVID-19, won't get sick, and won't die at alarming numbers. Sure, good plan, bro. Too bad there's no historical data that can confirm or refute your theory. Oh wait.

via @SciBabe

On the home front, it was a very very long day for me. My main job was busy, so I ended up working 6 hours for that job today, and then I had a job for another client that was on a tight deadline, so I worked 8+ hours on that too. All this hustling for jobs and stressing out about where work is coming from is stressing me out. It's not that we're in trouble financially (we're not, and we're being as careful as we can not to be); it's just the constant uncertainty that's wearing me down.

There was no elearning today, so the boys spent the whole day waiting for a delivery from Amazon that came in the afternoon. They each had their own money and wanted to order things. Max ordered a Nintendo gift card so he could buy a video game and download it. Liam ordered a new controller. And Henry ... well, Henry ordered something he's been asking for every day for six weeks:

Listen, there's only so long I can resist. He earned that $40 doing yard work for my sister, for my parents, for the neighbor. If what makes him happiest is a a crusader helmet because he's watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail with his dad one too many times, then so be it. Who am I to judge? And this thing is heavy! It can be clubbed! (Please dear heavens don't let them start clubbing each other.) So Henry spent the rest of his day playing video games in his helmet, baking cookies in his helmet, and watching YouTube in his helmet. Oh, and going around telling everyone "It's just a flesh wound!"

Nationwide cases: 1,417,889. Deaths: 85,906.

covid diary: day 63

Today I read a two tweets describing events from 40 years ago that seem particularly relevant now.

The first is from the Washington (state) Emergency Management Division:

40 years ago today, people pushed the state to reopen areas around Mt. St. Helens citing tourism & the economy against advice of scientists. Five days later, the volcano erupted.

The second is from the U.S. Geological Survey Volcanoes account:

#40YearsAgo at #MountStHelens: Officials meet. Scientists think it's to close areas, but discussion turns to opening access. Blind-sided, they point to hazard map & say red/blue zones don’t acknowledge miles of real hazards. But plan moves forward to reconsider boundaries.

The 1980 eruption of Mount St. Helens is one of the first big events I can remember happening. I was five years old, and my great-grandparents (Grandma Margaret and Grandpa Walt, Gram's parents) lived in Tacoma, Washington. They were big letter writers (as I suppose I am, in my way). They wrote about dark skies, of being stuck in the house and trying to seal the doors and windows, of the yard being completely covered in ash. They sent us little vials of ash as mementos.

I didn't realize until today what the context was. That scientists had been warning and warning of the danger to come, and those in power prioritized tourism and the economy over the safety of citizens. There really is nothing new under the sun, is there?

At the federal level, insults to our democracy continue at a dizzying yet not at all surprising pace. Trump is really trying to blame President Obama for ... something. I think (?) he's trying to make the case that the Obama administration made up (!!!) the story of Russian interference in the 2016 election. Meanwhile, late tonight, the FBI got a search warrant for the smartphone and other documentation of Senator Richard Burr, one of the senators who sold off stock at great personal profit after getting a classified briefing on the coronavirus but before the market crashed. None of the other senators who also did this have been raided by the FBI, just Sen. Burr. I wonder why that is? Surely it's not because Sen. Burr is the chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee, which is just about to release the final volume of its report on the investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 elections. Surely it has nothing to do with the previous volumes having agreed with every single intelligence agency that yes, Russia did interfere, and they're still interfering, and this administration is doing nothing to stop them and everything to help them. Nah, couldn't be. That must just be a coincidence.

On the home front, we carry on. Tensions are  high as I struggle through each work day, never knowing if it's going to be a long day or a short day, a good day or a bad day. Mike has one more week of work after this before his company shuts down, and there's still no word about whether he will be unemployed or not, no idea of how long the shutdown will last, no information about anything. The uncertainty is wearing us down.

In good news, the part came in for the mower, and Mike was able to fix it (he's so handy!) and finish mowing the yard. It's uneven now in the other direction (the parts that were too long are now shorter than the parts he mowed before), so he's looking forward to the weekend, when he will have time to mow everything and bring it all to the same level.

Liam finished his mandated hours of instructor time for driver's ed this morning, so we can cross that off our list. This afternoon, Mike took Liam and Max for their first orthodontist appointment since this all started. Liam's was just a follow-up to make sure his teeth still look good a year later, and they do, because he's great about using his retainer. Max got great news too: they did the scan for his retainer today, and at the next appointment (which isn't for a month, but still) he finally gets his braces off for good! It will be such a relief to him, but also to me, because I've been low-level worried about him having to go to appointments and having someone messing around in his mouth after messing around in many other mouths every day.

Finally, my mom's been making masks! She started with a special order from me and my friend Jill. We got the idea from this post we saw online of a woman wearing a mask with tiny penises printed on it. The woman in the post basically said that was her way of weeding out who was standing too close to her. So funny! Anyway, Jill and I decided to go in a slightly different yet equally offensive direction, and we got the first batch of masks today. Thanks, Mom! You make us the best things.

Can you read my mask?
Then you're too close. Back off.

Nationwide cases: 1,390,764. Deaths: 84,136.

covid diary: day 62

"This guy again? Good grief."

Yesterday afternoon, the president held another press conference so he could fight with reporters. Why does he think this is ever a good idea? Here's how the press conference ended. I'll give you a direct transcript so you don't have to watch a video of this garbage fire.

CBS reporter Weija Jiang, who is Chinese-American: "You've said many times that the U.S. is doing far better than any other country when it comes to testing. Why does that matter? Why is this a global competition to you if everyday Americans are still losing their lives and we're still seeing more cases every day?" 

Trump: "Well, they're losing their lives everywhere in the world. And maybe that's a question you should ask China. Don't ask me, ask China that question. OK? When you ask them that question, you may get a very unusual answer. [turns to another reporter] Yes, behind you please." 

CNN reporter Kaitlan Collins steps up to the mic, then gestures for Jiang to finish with her question. 

Jiang: "Sir, why are you saying that to me specifically? That I should ask China."
Trump: "I'm not saying it specifically to anybody. I'm saying it to anybody that would ask a nasty question like that." 

Jiang: "That's not a nasty question. Why does it matter?" 

Trump again tries to call on Collins, who specifically says she wanted to let her colleague finish before asking her own question. At that point, Trump abruptly turns and walks out of his own press conference.

Listen, that transcript doesn't do it justice. He was clearly bringing up China because Jiang is Chinese-American. He was so terrible in his response, his casual racism and xenophobia, his dismissal of women who ask direct questions. The whole thing was awful but not surprising.

Today, the Supreme Court heard oral arguments over whether Congress has the right to subpoena Trump's tax returns. The obvious answer, the one that every single lower court has given, is that yes, he should have to turn over his records because no one, not even the president, is above the law. But will that be the answer SCOTUS gives? Or will the 5-4 conservative majority find a way to protect him yet again? I don't have much hope on this one.

It's been another quiet day around here. Liam went to driver's ed this morning, dutifully wearing his mask and gloves, but other than that, the boys have spent the day either sleeping or hanging out in the basement. I worked a fairly long day, and when Mike got home we went for a walk on the trails and talked about our plans for the yard. We may have figured out a way to do grapevines without too much work on his part, and we're figuring out where we want to plant wildflowers out in the pasture. After dinner, we planted an old hoe in the feeder area to offer the orioles some more options for their oranges. There's so much to do, both outside and indoors, and even now it's hard to find the time and resources to do it all. But I'm not complaining, because we're lucky enough to have that time.

Nationwide cases: 1,370,016. Deaths: 82,389.

covid diary: day 62

Saturday, Mike did the weekly grocery shopping. He texted me in frustration from the store: "They have 15 different cards here for administrative professionals day, but not one single card for mother's day." Sunday morning, I found this little bit of perfection on my desk:

It's definitely a Mother's Day I'll never forget! My family met up at my sister's house Saturday for brunch, but since we haven't seen J or Loni or their families at all during this pandemic, we decided the safest course was probably for us to stay home. We don't want to inadvertently infect them with anything Mike might have picked up at work, and we definitely don't want to pick up anything they might have come into contact with at their jobs. I miss them desperately, but until I know we can all be protected, I think it's best to stay apart.

Saturday afternoon, Mike went out to mow the lawn while I put the finishing touches on my latest Lego bird, the American goldfinch. One of us had more success than the other one did. I finished my bird (isn't he pretty?) but our one-year-old lawn mower had a major pulley malfunction when Mike was in the middle of mowing. So the yard looks a little unbalanced for now, but the part is on order, and hopefully he can replace it and get back out there soon.

Mother's Day itself was very relaxed. I sorted Legos, took a nap, hung out with Mike and the boys, and did absolutely no work. Mike and the boys made me a different style oriole feeder for the backyard, and I can't wait to load it up.

Today it was back to the grind. Happily, a busy day at work so I got a couple extra hours. The state is in the process of reopening, so tomorrow Liam is going to go back to driver's ed to finish his six hours of driving instruction. He and the instructor both have to wear masks and gloves, and the instructor has to disinfect as best he can between students. He drives one-on-one with the instructor, who is also a teacher at the high school, but even this worries me. A treatment or vaccine can't come soon enough.

And all through the weekend, while I was enjoying the quiet with my boys, I was acutely aware that so many people can't do the same. That more than 80,000 of my fellow Americans have died, and the country is a complete chaotic mess. That's the constant backdrop, the thing I couldn't ignore even if I wanted to, the sadness that drags me down even as I can see that my own family is physically safe, at least for now.

Nationwide cases: 1,347,936. Deaths: 80,684.