on parenting and assumptions

In the past few days, I've read a lot of blog posts that got me thinking about the assumptions people make about what kind of parents they will be, and what kind of parents other people are. People are horrified by the music they hear kids singing, by the movies kids watch, by the things they eat and even how quickly they eat them. Inevitably, it's the parents' fault. It's "bad" parenting. What's funny to me is that most of the people writing these things aren't parents themselves, but they know with absolute certainty that they will do things the right way. On top of that, they know precisely what that right way is.

It's easy to be irritated by those kind of assumptions, but I also find myself envying people the certainty and solidity of their viewpoints, because I've found that with each day I've spent as a parent, the ground shifts under my feet. Without meaning to, my kids have challenged nearly every assumption I've ever had about life. They have changed me. And I think that's a good thing. Sure, maybe they watch more TV than they should, and maybe that song about, er, pharmaceuticals that Max likes isn't the best thing in the world for him to know the words to. But so what?

To me, a lot of things are like old Looney Tunes cartoons: They're designed with levels. The kids can understand things on one level, and find them outright hilarious, but there are aspects of them that go way above kids' heads and are directed squarely at the parents. Young and old understand the same thing in totally different ways. In the case of Looney Tunes, I have to believe that this is so the parents will actually watch with their kids.

And think about the stuff the kids sang when you were one of them. I can picture myself as a kid with my sister, and one of my teenage uncles sang The Kinks' "Art Lover" to us because he thought it was funny. We had no idea what it meant (hint: it's about a totally different kind of appreciation); we just knew that our uncle was singing to us. I probably wandered around singing Hall & Oates' "Maneater" or The Police's "Don't Stand So Close to Me" when I was little, but honestly, I thought one of them was about bugs and the other was about annoying little sisters (yeah, they totally weren't). And who knows, maybe my mom took her turn and sang Elvis' "Hound Dog" at the Ben Franklin when she was a kid. This stuff is not new.

So the next time you're at the grocery store, if you hear my kid singing that Queens of the Stone Age song, remember that to him, it's just a catchy tune (and one that his father happens to like). It's not a reflection of his parents, but evidence that his parents share with him the things they enjoy. And that's one concept that I can absolutely get behind.

have prunes, will stain

easy baking

Thank God for Loni! The boys look forward to the nights she comes over because they have so much more fun than every other night with boring old mom. They usually do some entertaining project, and last week, it was making sugar cookies with Max's Easy Bake Oven (he got it for his birthday from Yami). Reports are that the process of making the cookies and the anticipation of waiting for them to bake were way better than the actual cookies (Lon proclaimed them to be horrible), but you wouldn't know it by looking at these two.

guitar hero

henry at five months

A couple of weeks ago when we took him in for an ear infection, Henry weighed 15 pounds on the nose. There was no checkup this month, so I don't know exactly how tall he is, but he's definitely taller -- look, his head is almost to the top of the couch arm!

He rolls everywhere now, and he's been trying like crazy to sit up. He smiles constantly, and laughs occasionally. He's been getting used to eating solid food, too, and I can report that he hates rice cereal but loves oatmeal, hates carrots and squash but loves bananas and prunes (he was indifferent to peaches). As previously noted, he loves playing in his exersaucer, on his play gym, and on the floor up in Max's room. He's getting awfully good at putting his fingers in his mouth, pulling his pacifier out, and gumming everything possible. No teeth yet, but I think that's on track with big brothers.


Henry's five-month "birthday" coincided with Max's real fourth birthday, but we didn't do anything too exciting, just picked up some dinner and spent the evening playing Wii games. This was due in large part to another of Henry's "firsts" for this month -- he brought home his very first flu virus to infect mom and dad! Ah, what a proud day that was.

See also: one month, two months, three months, four months.

max at four

Our Max at this age is such a funny mix of people-pleaser and independent sasspatch. He's a joy to watch, even when he's throwing fits (most of the time). He's so creative, but that's so far mostly been channeled into excuses for things he doesn't want to do: "Putting on shoes makes my tummy hurt!" His expressions are priceless, from the pout that he still hasn't quite grown out of since babyhood to the very grown-up sly look he has when he's trying to wheedle his way into getting something he wants.


We've often observed that Liam is fascinated with how things work, while Max is fascinated with how people work, and I think it's so interesting to watch that play out between the two of them. Liam is always trying to teach Max something, and Max by turns worships his brother and wants to blaze his own path of picking exactly the opposite thing. He wants to learn on his own, thankyouverymuch, and he's not afraid to say so in no uncertain terms.

At home, Max is a funny, sassy, quick-witted, outspoken jokester, but at school, he hardly talks at all. His teachers always seem surprised to see that there's a chatterbox behind the sweet and shy boy they've taken care of for three years now. I don't have any firsthand knowledge of this (Barb will have to help me out), but I understand that he takes after Mike in this regard. In a lot of regards, really, but this is one that stands out to me.

Max had his fourth birthday party on Sunday, surrounded by friends and family. I was sick with the flu, shut into my room so nobody would be exposed to my germs, but I could hear him excitedly greet everyone by name and welcome them to his party. He was such a charming little host. And once the festivities were all done, he came to see if I was feeling better and spent a long time telling me about all the fun he had during the day. I won't lie -- it sucked to be laid up and miss my kid's birthday party. But being able to listen to him tell me all about it was definitely worth the wait. Happy birthday, Max!

henry would like to add that he loves the exersaucer

Thanks for the loan, cousin Taylor!

was someone looking for me?

this is not the baby you are looking for

This one does, however, have a birthday in less than a week! Amazing resemblance, innit?