Picture this. It's 2:30 in the afternoon. I'm in my office working while Thunder enthusiastically slurps himself at my feet. Suddenly, the quiet is shattered by deep ANGRY voices yelling profanities. Then a thunderous rumble in my direction, followed by the basement door being flung wide open and Henry sprinting into my office. He stands next to my desk, bent over at the waist, wheeze-laughing in a nervous reaction. "Mom, that was SO SCARY!"
Turns out that Max was laying on the basement couch with his feet on the wall, messing with the framed pictures there. He almost knocked one down once, twice, three times. And each time, Liam yelled at him to cut it out. The third time, Max leaped up and got right in Liam's face. "If you yell at me again, I'm going to punch you."
Liam: "Hahaha all right sure."
Max: "You wanna GO?"
Liam: "FINE LET'S GO."
As enthusiastically depicted by Henry, what followed was a series of roundhouse punches back and forth, with only one connecting. Max came upstairs during Henry's retelling, minimized it as a "brotherly scuffle," and claimed that he was the winner because his punch was the one that connected (with Liam's ear). Then I called Liam up to check his ear, which was purple because he was wearing his glasses, so his ear got stuck between the earpiece of the glasses and Max's fist, and Liam declared that no, HE in fact was the victor, because as soon as Max connected with that one punch (Liam: "barely!"), Liam pinned Max to the ground and held him there until Max surrendered.
For my part, I surreptitiously took a video of Henry and Max explaining the fight, then once I had listened to them all, I told Liam and Max they were a couple of dumbasses, and I went back to work.
I think I've got this mom thing down. A+ momming from me.
scenes from a re-enactment
In other news, apparently all the local superintendents had some kind of huge meeting today, where they were going to decide ... something. Nobody knows for sure. It's all very DRAMA INTRIGUE SUSPENSE. Also Liam got invited to a slumber party for his friend's birthday, and I told him he could go. It will be four boys who he's been friends with forever, and I know all their parents and feel pretty certain that they've all been careful this summer. It won't even be the equivalent risk of ONE day at school. He'll have to leave early the morning after because it will be his first tennis scrimmage in Valpo (assuming sports are still happening by then).
Update, 6:15 p.m.: Turns out Max really hurt his thumb connecting with Liam's iron ear. I think that's why you're not supposed to punch people with fists? It's all swollen and he was crying (though he didn't say anything to either of us until after Mike got home from work). I called the urgent care center, and they advised us to take him to the ER, so that's what Mike is doing now. Good times. Just how we were hoping to spend Tuesday evening!
Update, 6:22 p.m.: Texts with Mike:
M: Is it ok to say he hurt it punching his brother?
H: Yes. Always tell the truth at the ER. They will be able to tell from the type of injury how he likely got it so definitely tell the truth. But maybe add that it was the first time they've come to blows like that, and that Liam didn't punch him back.
Update, 7:39 p.m.: Max has a displaced fracture, meaning the bone pieces aren't lined up right. They're splinting it for tonight, but he will probably need a cast and they might have to insert a pin. We have to call the orthopedic practice in the morning to set up an appointment.
Update, 7:45 p.m.: I have picked Liam up from tennis and told him about Max going to the ER. Liam is mad at ME (???) because he thinks I am trying to make him feel bad and/or look bad in front of Jimmy, who rode home with us. I gave Liam two options: 1. I could get real mad at both of them (Liam and Max, that is) and yell and lecture about how stupid they were and how now Max is going to have to get a cast and maybe a pin and set off metal detectors for the rest of his life, and ground them and take away their electronics as punishment. OR 2. I can keep laughing about it because it was a mistake, and that's how you learn. Liam has wisely chosen option 2. Henry has advised me that I am "really chill yet totally have no chill." I believe what he means by this is that he is amazed that I am not angry about this whole situation (again, because it was a MISTAKE and that's how they LEARN), yet he is thoroughly intimidated by the way I also laid out the possible lifelong consequences of this mistake.
Update, 9:15: Mike and Max are home! Max has a giant splint, but managed to eat an entire 16" sub and bag of chips one-handed. He says it hurts but is tolerable. We're all exhausted.
Lessons? 1. Don't antagonize your brother into fisticuffs. 2. Don't punch your brother. 3. If you do have to punch someone, for heaven's sake, don't tuck your thumb into your fist. 4. Broken bones are scary and painful and expensive.
Nationwide cases: 4,352,304. Deaths: 149,260.
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