max at seventeen

 How is it possible that it's been so long since I've done a dedicated Max birthday post? Max, when you're older and looking back and reading this, just know that we did in fact celebrate YOU every year on your birthday. We had cakes with lots of chocolate, had your faves for dinner, and did all the usual singing and candle rituals.

And we've been proud of you every single day of every single year. 

Our Max has grown into a fine young man indeed. He has always been happy to travel with me, whether we're taking a spring break trip or just heading to the antique mall the next town over, and he's been equally happy to help me without complaint during this exciting time of physical challenges. He has worked at Culver's since last summer, and he rarely complains about that either. 

This year has meant a lot of firsts for Max. He got his license, went through the full cycle of his first romantic relationship (no, I'm not offering the details for posterity!), and started learning how to balance work and school responsibilities with a healthy social life and plenty of hermit time in his room. He remains patient with everyone in the world except for Henry, though he did reluctantly admit to me recently that Henry has become "aight" in his book. (If you're not a teenager, that means "satisfactory or acceptable; all right.") High praise indeed!

I can see so clearly the man he is becoming and how little he needs us anymore, and it makes me so very proud. I can't lie, though -- I will remain thankful to my dying day for every single time he comes sauntering into my office and plops down on my stationary bike (lately, my scooter) to tell me about his day at school or what he has planned with his friends. I am not a person who believes there is any single metric by which to define "good parenting" (believe me when I tell you that I think we're all just out here doing our best), but if I had to pin it down, I would say that a good indicator is that your children WANT to talk to you, that they trust you with what's happening in their lives and know that you will respect what they say and offer your support. And Max does this all the time. It's not because he needs my approval; it's just because I am a person he wants to talk to. I treasure that more than I can ever express.

making noodles with James for Jeffirs Christmas

Right now, Max is working through something we all have to face: what to do with his life. He's starting to really think about what he wants to study in college, and what sort of job he wants to get. Even more fundamentally, he's thinking about what he wants from a job. Does he want just a way to make money, because his sense of self-worth doesn't depend on what funds the rest of his life? Or does he want to do something he's really passionate about and has a real affinity for? (I say this with no judgment, because Max has one parent in each camp, and there's no right answer, only the answer that most applies to the person answering the question.) He's thinking about where he might want to go to college too. I don't think he wants to follow Liam to go to Purdue, and that's totally fine. No matter what, he will make his own way, and we will be there to cheer him on.

frozen hair during a cold snap

But for now, Max, my wish for you is to enjoy this time to the fullest. You probably don't fully realize it, but right now you're in the best of both worlds. You've got a good place to live, good friends, a car to drive, and disposable income -- without any of the pesky responsibilities that come with being an adult. Those will come in time, and sometimes they'll knock you on your ass, so live it up now while you're standing tall, face forward to the future.

We love you.