candy review

Last year, I bought the boys a fancy advent calendar from the candy company Sugarfina, and each day I posted their reviews of that day's candy on Facebook. The reviews were smart, sweary, irreverent, and so much fun. And the other day, I got a care package from my cousin Cassidy, who is in the Air Force and currently stationed in Japan. She thoughtfully included Japanese Hi-Chew candies for the boys, so we decided to do a special edition candy review. As a bonus, my brother J and nephew John were here visiting, so J got to join in on the fun! (John isn't quite at candy-reviewing age yet, but we'll rope him in someday.) Here is their review, which also will give you a taste of what last year's advent calendar reviews were like.

Strawberry

Liam: Shit kinda bussin.

J: Did you say bussin? I hope that one dies soon.

Liam: It’s ON, bro. What are you talking about?

Max: Pretty chewy.

Liam: Weird but good.

Henry: It’s meh. Tastes like a chewy sweeTART.

Max: He’s lying to us.

J: I can’t read any Japanese but I feel like the number one ingredient is wax.

Liam: What gave you that idea?

J: The texture … but the flavor is there.

Green apple

Liam: It’s green apple time, baby!

Liam: Yuh [nods]

Max: Smells bad, looks bad, flavor is bad … let me taste it real quick. 

Henry: No, just not a good flavor.

Liam: Flavor is strong, can feel it in my nostrils.

Henry: I give that a flat 27 x 10 to the negative fifth.

Liam: That’s still positive, bro.

Liam: Imma give it a 3 x 10 to the eighth meters per second.

[forgive my transcribing skills, friends]

Grape

Liam: Yeah, Imma take one of these for myself. [takes a whole package]

Max: The smell alone puts it over the other two.

Henry: It’s not even a good grape, 8/10.

Max: You said not even good but you gave it an 8?

Henry: It’s still grape tho so it's good.

Liam: This battery acid really burns my throat, 9/10.

Max: Battery acid?!?!

Liam: It’s called satire.

Max: Satire’s supposed to be funny.

Liam: No, that’s parody, goof.

And the final word goes to my favorite brother!

J: The grape ones taste like cat pee smells, but I’m too committed to spit it out. Must maintain the uncle flex.

Thank you so much, Cass, for all the goodies! We love them!

headband

Godzilla fan

Campfire tiger Cass got from a vending machine.
I adore it!

candy candy candy

coffee, then nap

John!

fun with napkins

a self-portrait by John, cameo Aunt Hol