covid diary: day 50

Storytime! When I worked at Borders, we had tons of author events. Everyone from Jimmy Carter (who shared his pizza with us in the break room) to Lyle Lovett (who gave signed copies of his latest CD to everyone working when he performed there) to JK Rowling (the line was unbelievable!) to Ray Bradbury (he wandered in off the street by himself, completely casual and disheveled) to George R.R. Martin (who I happened to be on the same El car with afterward ― this was before he got super famous and the TV show took off) came to our store to sign things and give readings and performances. But one incident stands out in my mind.

The year was 1998, and talk-show host Jerry Springer was promoting his book Ringmaster!, so named because his show was very much a circus filled with dysfunctional and unpredictable guests. (Side note: My mom used to watch the show at the liquor store every day, and she would delight in telling all the customers that they only watched it because Gramps insisted. He did not, in fact, insist on it, but she liked seeing people's faces when they thought he did.) The event was fine, nobody got attacked, and we all made it through ok. Afterward, I happened to be on the elevator with a customer when Jerry Springer himself got on. I smiled but didn't say anything to him. The customer, meanwhile, started gushing and fawning. "I love your show!" she exclaimed. "I watch it every single day!"

Springer replied, in an extremely dry tone, "I'm sorry."

Listen, Jerry Springer didn't get to be the head of a television empire on his good looks. He's smart and canny. He has a J.D. from Northwestern. He was a political advisor to Robert F. Kennedy. He was the mayor of Cincinnati and served a couple terms on the city council. I mean, yeah, his first term did end in scandal when it came out that he had paid a prostitute with a check that bounced, but after that, he owned up to what he had done, was completely honest about it, and won his seat back in the next election. And yes, he's spent the past 40 or so years being known as the host of the grossest tabloid talk show ever created. But that just makes him uniquely qualified to comment on today's situation.

Here's what Jerry Springer had to say this week:

There is no excuse [for televising the daily presidential briefings], now that we know what they’re like, for just turning on the cameras. ... To just turn on the cameras on Trump for an hour and a half? That’s not journalism, that’s technology. ... Trump gets up there and spews his stuff, which is different every day and then ― finally! ― the doctors get up there and, basically, refute what he’s saying. ... There are some people crazy enough to listen to the president and they’re the ones going out there spreading the disease.

I don't know about you, friends, but I would 100 percent vote for Jerry Springer for president right now. Then again, I would vote for one of the dead possums in our trap that Mike then throws into the neighbor's field under cover of darkness if it meant we could get Trump out of there.

We're over a million cases of COVID-19 nationally, and more than 60,000 Americans have died. Infections are running wild in places where people are packed close together: nursing homes, prisons ... and meat-packing plants. We're on the verge of complete food chain breakdown, so the president's response is to sign an executive order mandating that the meat-packing plants reopen or stay open, and declaring the workers essential, along with a neat provision that exempts the plants themselves for any liability they might have in not protecting their employees. So great, we'll all have chicken and ground beef, but at what human cost? Trump certainly doesn't care about that.

In positive news, I've been reading about vaccines advancing to human trials, and another drug showing potential for treating COVID-19. And by that I mean potential based on results from an actual study, not based on whatever word salad the president decides to disgorge on any given day. Let's hope there's some relief in sight soon.

And finally, in breaking extremely local news, all the spring birds decided to come back today! It rained off and on all day, but the feeders had a riot of color and activity. It was a delight to watch. Here's a little sampling.

It's 10 p.m. now, and I'm off to work on a last-minute rush project for a medical client. You'll never guess what the topic is!

Nationwide cases: 1,038,451. Deaths: 60,876.