covid diary: day 41

This morning I canceled the last of our remaining travel plans, an extended family beach vacation in July in North Carolina. This trip has been in the works for over a year now (you might remember that Kelsey, Maria, and Emma requested it), and I'm sad that we won't be able to go. Discussions have been ongoing for a couple of weeks about whether we should cancel or not, with some of my aunts and uncles advocating for a wait-and-see approach and others thinking we should go ahead and cancel because it still won't be safe to travel by July. But the tipping point came today, because I had more hours cut at work (for a total reduction of 40 percent of my hours each week), so not only will it probably not be safe for us to go, it definitely won't be financially feasible anymore. We had rented a house with my mom, along with Janis and Laura and their families. Jan and Laura might still end up going (renting a smaller house for themselves), but Marlene and the Forts are out.

It's Monday, so there's elearning, which means today was bound to be hard. But apparently that wasn't enough for the universe, because now there's a tech problem that means half the kids lost all the apps on their school ipads, so they can't access the assignments. Liam has all his apps, so he's fine, but Max and Henry lost theirs. Henry managed to get his work done, and Max has been using my laptop as a workaround. The other option they gave the kids was to have them use their phones since most kids have smartphones these days. Imagine that for a second: How hard would it be to do a full day of schoolwork on your phone screen? Every kid would have eyestrain and a blinding headache by the end of the day.

Over the weekend, lots of stuff happened nationally, but I'll summarize it by letting you know it's all bullshit. Trump belittled reporters, dodged blame, and used his press conferences to attack his political rivals. More stories came out about the federal government deliberately blocking states from getting the PPE they need. More stories came out about Trump being a damned liar who has known since NOVEMBER that we were headed for this crisis because a dozen different officials from the World Health Organization (which he is blaming somehow?) told him so. Repeatedly. More idiots protested in state capitals, gatherings that put everyone at risk and were encouraged by the president and Fox News. Oh, and guess who's organizing these "grassroots" protests? Conservative political action groups. Color me shocked. The (Republican) governor of Florida ordered all the beaches opened back up, and white people flocked to them in droves. Dear fellow white people: What is wrong with you? Go home! Stay there. Stay alive. Is this "freedom" worth the cost of your life or someone else's? If you answered yes, please re-evaluate and go back to the part where I said you should stay home.

Seriously, you can't look at all these protests and all this idiocy on display and tell me you don't notice that all these protesters are white.

Denver. Photo credit: Alyson McClaren

Harrisburg. Photo credit: Matt Rourke/AP

Huntington Beach. Photo credit: Kevin Chang/LA Times

Indianapolis. Photo credit: Jeremy Hogan/SOPA

Olympia. Photo credit: Elaine Thompson/AP

And while all these people are out and about, likely infecting each other and then bringing the virus back to their communities, around 2,000 Americans continue to die each day. Each. Day. I cannot — and will never ever be able to — understand a mindset in which people think their right to have stores open, their right go to the beach or church, their right to do really stupid things is more important than another American's right to not get infected by a deadly virus. A single other American, let alone 2,000 of them every single day.

In utterly terrifying news, today a five-year-old died of COVID-19 complications in Michigan. She had been sheltering in her home with her parents for weeks, so they're not sure how or when she contracted the virus, but she developed a complication that hasn't been seen before: meningitis. And she's not the only person in Michigan to develop a new complication: a 58-year-old woman developed acute necrotizing encephalitis — a central nervous system disorder marked by lesions all over the brain. Which ... ok then. While we're busy trying to get a handle on how to treat the existing complications, the virus is busy creating new ones. How will this ever end?

Listen, it's been a hard day, and it's hard to dredge up any hope right now. After he came home from work, Mike took me outside for some sunshine and fresh air out on the pasture trails, and that helped a little. But I'm just exhausted. I'm not sick — none of us are sick here — but I'm really feeling the stress and constant trauma of this whole situation. And knowing that we're still just at the beginning ... well, it's tough to swallow today.

Nationwide cases: 787,630. Deaths: 42,687.

news i can use

covid diary: day 38

Hi there! Welcome to April 17, day 38 of isolation. Today the universe has decided to add a nice pandemic snowstorm to the mix. Up is down, red is green, and winter never ends now, I guess. Cool cool.

Today is also our third elearning day of the week, which means I try to balance a busy (thank goodness) work day with shepherding my three charges through the education system. Liam generally updates me but handles everything on his own. Henry likes to work ahead, so he was already done with everything for the week before today started, so I just had to double-check his work. And Max ... well, Max likes to put things off and let them snowball until he gets snowed under. We've been working on getting organized and staying on top of things, which takes a little extra time, but I have to think it's worth it to him not to get far behind and have to deal with teacher phone calls and bad grades and unhappy parents.

Henry decided to use this very snowy morning to go out and make a snow person. His snow person was taller than him! Unfortunately, it was also a leaning snow person, and eventually it tipped right over and couldn't be rebuilt. Max made the mistake of asking Henry what he was going to name his snowman. Henry was instantly outraged. “Did you just assign gender to my snow person, Max? What if it doesn’t conform to your narrow binary ideas of gender?” That's my boy.

Today, like most days this week, around 2,000 people died in the United States. The New York Times is reporting that more than 7,000 people have died in nursing homes alone during this pandemic. It's hard to even wrap my head around that many people suddenly dying. And what's the response from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? Well, silence on the deaths, of course, but Trump's been busy trying to incite a second civil war all day, tweeting absolute garbage like "LIBERATE MICHIGAN," "LIBERATE MINNESOTA," and the utterly nonsensical "LIBERATE VIRGINIA, and save your great 2nd Amendment. It is under siege!" Hmmm, what do those three states have in common? Oh, that's right: stay-at-home orders put in place by Democratic governors. Funny how he's not yelling at people to liberate Ohio, Indiana, or Maryland (just to pick a trio of states with stay-at-home orders issued by Republican governors).

Speaking of governors, the governors of Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Kentucky have formed a bipartisan coalition to work together to figure out when and how to safely reopen their states. What's notable to me is that there's a pretty even split here, making this a truly bipartisan group. Good job putting aside politics in favor of doing what's best for people, Midwestern governors! I look forward to hearing your plans. Related: Gov. Holcomb today announced that he is extending the "Hunker Down Hoosiers" order (that's what it's called? ok sure!) until May 1. Gov. Whitmer is likewise expected to extend the stay-at-home order (less catchy name: "Stay Home, Stay Safe") for Michigan.

Indiana, Michigan, and Illinois are still a couple of weeks away from their peaks. And even when we do reach the peak, it's important to keep in mind that it's a looooonnnng way back down the other side of this, and people will continue getting sick and dying in alarming numbers for quite some time. But maybe the most chilling thing is that increasingly we're seeing warnings of a new rounds of this once states open back up.

It's always been likely that there would be a second curve, a second peak ... and then maybe a third curve and a third peak. And on we cycle until eventually we get a vaccine or at least an effective treatment. The trick is, I guess, how we manage to get through all these peaks without getting sick. And there, I guess, the governors make good points: Hunker down. Stay home. Stay safe.

Nationwide cases: 707,950. Deaths: 32,861.

covid diary: day 37

Late last night, news broke (via the New York Times) that after receiving an anonymous tip about a body being stored in a shed on a nursing home property in New Jersey, police arrived on the scene. They didn't find a body in the shed, but they did find the bodies of 17 residents piled up in a tiny morgue on the premises that was designed to only store four bodies. Including those 17 people, this nursing home in New Jersey has had 68 recent deaths of residents and workers. Only 26 of those 68 were actually tested for COVID-19 and found positive; the cause of death for the remainder is "unknown" (gee, it really would take a genius to figure out how those others died).

News stories seem to focus mostly on the horror of finding 17 bodies piled up in a tiny space, and yes, that's truly shocking and terrible. But let's ask how it got that far. People all over the country, particularly officials in nursing homes and prisons — places where people are kept in very close quarters with no opportunity to physically distance themselves — have been crying out for help for weeks now. They can see that the disease is spreading like wildfire throughout their facilities, and they can't get the help they need because of overwhelmed systems at the local level and lack of concern at the federal level. This is happening all over the country (I just saw a report that a jail about 30 minutes from our house has 87 inmates confirmed to have COVID-19, and one has died), and the only real shock to me is that a discovery like this one hasn't happened sooner.

Meanwhile, in his daily briefing yesterday, the president threatened to use his emergency powers to adjourn Congress so he can do recess appointments. He says that keeping Congress officially in session with pro forma sessions is a "scam." OH HEY, maybe you remember when President Obama (god I miss having a real president!) made appointments using the argument that Congress actually was shut down despite the pro forma sessions, and the Supreme Court struck that down, saying that Congress is in session when Congress says it is in session? Good job paying attention to the one thing that might benefit you, Trump! Too bad the Constitution spells out that you can only adjourn Congress if the two houses disagree on a date of adjournment (they don't; the two houses have already agreed to end this session January 3, 2021). Nice try at dictatorship, though.

And in Michigan, Ohio, and Kentucky yesterday, protesters gathered together (in some cases *very* close together) to protest their governors' stay-at-home orders. Protesters in Michigan termed the whole day "Operation Gridlock" because they blocked traffic to the state capitol. Guess what else they blocked? That's right: access to a hospital, and the ability of emergency services to respond to people in crisis. Some protesters were waving Confederate flags (yes, in Michigan! racism has no boundaries). I saw a couple of interviews where reporters asked protesters why they were so opposed to the stay-at-home order. One man, on the verge of tears, cited his inability to buy paint for his house and fertilizer for his lawn. A woman angrily showed the reporter her gray roots and demanded access to her hair stylist. NO, I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP. These dummies risked their lives, the lives of everyone around them, and the lives of everyone they will come in contact with over the course of the next few weeks ... because they're so worried about home improvement and patriarchal beauty standards. And check out this picture from the Ohio Statehouse, where at least 100 zombies people gathered to protest the stay-at-home order by (Republican) Gov. Mike DeWine:

Photo credit: Joshua Bickel, Columbus Dispatch

Can you believe this shit? I'm having a real hard time.

Listen, I've been in my house for 37 days now, growing out my gray (my sisters insist that it's SILVER, thankyouverymuch) hair and not infecting anyone or getting infected. I get it. It's hard. Not so much the gray hair because I was already growing that out, so this is just helping me get through the middle awkwardness when half of it is gray and half is brown. And not so much the fertilizer because we don't put that crap on our grass. But sure, I could use some more paint. I need something to do with my nervous energy, and the downstairs bathroom, living room, and kitchen are still that same neutral light gray color I hate. More than that, I miss going to the pool because it made it possible for me to move through the rest of my day without pain, and I very much miss being pain-free. And even more than THAT, I miss seeing my parents and Mike's parents, our siblings, our nieces and nephews, and everyone else we care about. I am heartbroken that my first great-nephew will most likely be born within a week, and I won't get to see him, maybe even until he's a toddler. The next time their grandparents see them, my boys might be fully in their adult form (not Henry, probably, but likely Liam and Max). We are missing so much time, and time isn't something you can get back.

However. On the other side of this, there will be time. I'll eventually get to meet my great-nephew. I'll eventually get to hug all the people who matter most to me. The boys will eventually emerge from their chrysalises and shock us all with their handsome manliness. But we have to be alive and healthy to enjoy that. So we all have to stay home. And in the meantime, I'll do what I do best and use my words to remind the boys (someday, from far away, when they look back on this) that they are the most important people in my world, and that there is no end to the lengths I will go to in order to keep them safe. And I'll use my words to remind you, friends (today, in the middle of this), that you are important, that we miss you, and that we want nothing more than for you to stay safe until we can be together again.

Nationwide cases: 677,700. Deaths: 34,840 (note that this includes the probable cases reported in New York and other places).

covid diary: day 36

Allow me to introduce you to Trey Hollingsworth, representative for Indiana's 9th congressional district (the south central part of the state, stretching from just south of Indianapolis to just north of Louisville). He's the vice ranking member of the House Financial Services Committee Subcommittee on Investor Protection, Entrepreneurship, and Capital Markets (that's a mouthful!) and serves on the House Financial Services Subcommittee on Diversity and Inclusion. Rep. Hollingsworth is also the 12th wealthiest member of Congress, with a net worth of $50 million. And what does this leader have to say about the current crisis?

"It is always the American government's position to say, in the choice between the loss of our way of life as Americans and the loss of life, of American lives, we have to always choose the latter. ... The social scientists are telling us about the economic disaster that is going on. Our [Gross Domestic Product] is supposed to be down 20 percent alone this quarter. It is policymakers' decision to put on our big boy and big girl pants and say it is the lesser of these two evils. It is not zero evil, but it is the lesser of these two evils, and we intend to move forward that direction. That is our responsibility and to abdicate that is to insult the Americans that voted us into office."

Are you reading what I'm reading? He's saying that your life, my life, the lives of the 2,400 Americans who died yesterday — including 49 Hoosiers — the lives of tens of thousands of Americans are not worth the cost of the U.S. losing money. That tens of thousands of deaths is somehow less evil than losing money. And it's not like he's alone in those sentiments.

Speaking of money, remember those stimulus checks we're all supposed to get? Yeah, they've been delayed again. This time the delay is so that Trump can get his signature put on all the checks. What a brazen politicization of this situation. Listen, I got one of those checks G.W. Bush sent out in 2008, and it definitely didn't have his name on it. Maybe that's because it's a hideous abuse of government resources for political ends? Maybe because it's super-shitty to make people wait even longer (they were already saying it would take 20 weeks for paper checks) just so you can take credit for something the entire legislative branch had to authorize first?

Meanwhile, in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, 644 (!!!) employees of one meatpacking plant have tested positive for COVID-19. The governor of South Dakota refuses to shut down businesses in the state, instead saying she'll just do a massive trial of the malaria drug the president has been touting. Meatpacking plants in Iowa and Colorado have shut down because they also had a bunch of employees test positive. So I guess we have meat shortages to look forward to, because these companies put profits ahead of people until they were forced not to.

My sister Bethany called yesterday to tell me that she went to buy eggs, and discovered that the price had QUADRUPLED to $4/dozen. Meanwhile, farmers who supply restaurants are ... you guessed it ... breaking hundreds of thousands of eggs every day because they can't sell them, and nobody can figure out how to divert those eggs to grocery store customers.

It was another elearning day at home, so another absolutely exhausting workday for me. And it snowed. On April 15. The boys worked on their cursive and made cookies, and we even did a virtual appointment with Max's orthodontist. Now that was "fun." We had to take pictures of the inside of his mouth from various angles and submit them through the orthodontist's website, along with any concerns we had (like, for example, not letting him get overcorrected again when he should be almost done with his braces at this point). Then we sent all that info to the orthodontist, he looked at all the pictures, and within an hour, he had given us a report addressing our concerns and telling Max to keep up the good work of constantly wearing his rubber bands to anchor the braces in the correct position. Let's hope Max can get those braces off sometime soon!

Nationwide cases: 643,725. Deaths: 28,487.

covid diary: day 35

You know what "business" is specifically noted in the Constitution? In Article 1, section 8, clause 7, the Constitution bestows on Congress the power and the responsibility “to establish Post Offices and post Roads.”

The USPS is literally a lifeline to Americans, particularly rural Americans and vulnerable populations. It's not funded by through your taxes, either; it's funded by the provision of services. Which is to say that every time you send a letter or mail a package or order something online that ends up being delivered by USPS, you're funding the postal system.

In 2006, Republicans (yeah, it's always those guys, isn't it?) manufactured a crisis at USPS by passing a law requiring it to fully fund retirement for postal workers for 75 years into the future. SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS. Think about that for a second. Can you think of any other business, union, or public pension plan that's funded that far in advance? You can't, because there isn't one. Is Social Security funded 75 years in advance for retirees? It certainly is not (and that's by design too because the Republicans want to destroy the entire social safety net).

Why would the Republican Congress pass that 2006 law, you ask? It's pretty simple. You take an organization or program that's working really well and actually serving the people, and you follow three simple steps:
1. Place extreme requirements on that organization or program that would be considered unreasonable were they applied to any other organization or program.
2. Wait for the organization or program to falter under the weight of those unreasonable requirements.
3. Claim that the organization is badly managed and must be turned over to the private sector, which can definitely (they claim) run it better.
4. The newly privatized organization or program doesn't have the same unreasonable requirements, plus the new owners raise the prices, so it turns a hell of a profit (FOR THE PRIVATE OWNER) because it is now so "well managed."

Of course, the problem with this system is that anyone who depends on that organization or program loses out on a valuable service because they may not be able to afford it at the new rates. But to Republicans, that's a feature, not a bug.

Look around and you'll see this pattern repeated for all kinds of services that work to better the lives of everyday Americans, especially vulnerable populations. Social Security. Medicare. Medicaid. WIC. Food stamps/SNAP. You can even see it in the TRAP laws designed to prevent women from exercising their constitutional right to get an abortion (these laws put unreasonable requirements on everything from the width of the hallway at an abortion clinic to the requirement for doctors to have admitting privileges at local hospitals, which are then denied because most of the hospitals are owned by religious organizations). It's ugly, and it's insidious.

What does this have to do with COVID-19? I'm so glad you asked! USPS volume has dropped by 30 percent since the pandemic started, and the post office is in danger of shutting down entirely. The postmaster general says that at the current rate, USPS will be out of money by June. She has asked for funding to keep the post office running and to modernize its operations, and Congress negotiated that funding into the earlier rescue bills ... but guess who refused to sign any stimulus packages that included ANY funding for USPS? That's right, this incompetent, dangerous president.

He wants the post office to fail. And Republicans are with him. And this pandemic is giving them the perfect cover for making that happen.

And just like the governors are on their own in terms of sourcing PPE and ventilators, and deciding when to shut down or reopen their states, we're on our own to save the post office. And we *should* save the post office. It's truly the definition of an essential service.

So what can you do? Buy stamps. Send packages. Do anything you can to help support this organization. The post office is one of the nation's largest employers of veterans and people of color (our mail carrier is a veteran and a woman of color). It delivers mail cheaply and efficiently to isolated locations all across the country. In this era of social distancing, it's keeping us supplied with all the essential products we can order online to keep ourselves safer. And the least we can do is support it in return.

I bought a few books of stamps yesterday, including some dragon ones I've had my eye on for a while. I have plenty of stamps so I might not use them for a while, but that's ok. It's enough to know that by buying them, I'm helping to ensure that I will be able to use them in the future.

Nationwide cases: 615,302. Deaths: 26,114.

covid diary: day 34

And so begins another week.

We spent the weekend, like every weekend now, trying to stay away from the news and just be for a while. I had to work both days on my providential side project, for which I was simultaneously thankful and resentful. Saturday afternoon, though, I got outside for a while and pressure washed the patio and all the patio furniture. It looks really good now! And while I was doing that, Mike was busy on a project of his own: He cut trails through the pasture so we can use it as a nature preserve!

Listen, I know what a privilege this is. We've lived here for almost two years now, though, and it's not like we're planning to get horses or cows or even alpacas anytime soon, so we might as well use that land for something that interests us. The birds, especially the red-winged blackbirds, love the pasture, and they weren't crazy about Mike being out in their space (one of them even dive-bombed him), but eventually, they'll get used to us.

He finished the trails just before the sun went down, so I had time for a short tour on Saturday, but on Sunday Mike and I went out for a longer walk. We found some wildflowers blooming by the back gate, and we encountered some curious bovine neighbors.

This morning it was raining, and more neighbors came to visit. I saw them out my office window heading toward the other neighbor's house, but then they turned around and came right up to our front door, how do you do. The dogs were not pleased, but it made me laugh.

In the news: lots of reports that the president and the administration knew about the dangers of the pandemic and had plenty of time to plan, but the president ignored his advisors and instead decided to downplay the whole thing and do nothing to make the country safer. This shocks exactly no one. What *is* shocking is how much power this cruel narcissist has and that Republicans continue to support him.

A couple of updates. First, remember last week when I was all "hey let's watch what Gavin Newsom is doing in California"? Welp. Turns out that now he's banded together with Gov. Inslee of Washington and Gov. Brown of Oregon to form a West Coast pact. These governors are planning to work together to figure out when and how it's safe to reopen the region. Likewise, the East Coast has its own pact now too, with the governors of New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts working together to get through this pandemic and safely and gradually reopen their states. Listen, we've been saying around our house for a few weeks that Gavin Newsom is president of West America, and Andrew Cuomo is president of East America (the rest of the regions having thus far not produced a standout leader) ... and it turns out we're not wrong. These states know the president isn't going to help them, so they've decided to be smart and get through this by helping each other. And you'll never guess who is so deeply unhappy about this development that he went on a tirade in his press briefing and declared that he, not the governors, has "total" authority over decisions on when/how to reopen. Go on, guess. Bonus points if you guess that when a woman reporter told him he was wrong per the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution, he attacked the reporter instead of defending his position on any legitimate grounds.

Second, remember that election the Republicans insisted on having in Wisconsin last week despite the dangers it posed to all Wisconsin voters? Remember how the Republicans thought that the lower turnout would ensure that their preferred candidate for the state supreme court would be easily elected? Welp. The brave people of Wisconsin had a little something to say about that. Results came in last night, and the Democratic candidate for the state supreme court, Jill Karofsky, beat that Republican. And not by a small margin, either. The last results I saw had her up 55-44.

And finally, an update on the banana/toilet paper story from last week. It turns out that those aren't the only two products with entirely separate business and personal manufacturing streams. Lots of food producers have those separate streams too, and no easy way to transition from one to the other. As a result, while lines for food banks are shockingly long, farmers who grow vegetables for the restaurant industry are literally plowing their crops back into the ground instead of picking them (because the restaurants are closed), and dairy farmers are pouring out vast quantities of milk instead of processing it (because the pizza places and other restaurants who buy the bulk cheese made from the milk have severely lowered demand). Now, I'm no nationally acclaimed economist/political leader/supply chain expert, but it seems to me that if we had a centralized national response, there could be ... I don't know ... some kind of stimulus mechanism to pay the farmers to supply their products to people in need. Then again, I guess you would have to care about actual Americans more than ratings or personal grievances for that to happen.

Nationwide cases: 588,435. Deaths: 23,708. (Note: That's 5,000 people who have died since my last update on Friday. My heart goes out to each of their family members and all of their loved ones.)

covid diary: day 31

As of this morning's report (updates happen every morning at 10), Indiana has nearly 7,000 cases of COVID-19, and 300 Hoosiers have died. Also in today's briefing, the governor announced that he's not sure the state will be able to continue testing, because the health department is running out of the swabs used to take samples for the tests, and the federal government is not coordinating procurement of even these essential supplies. So they're trying to MacGuyver the problem to see if there is some other tool they can use as a swab. Seriously. We can't test people because we're out of SWABS. In the "richest," "most freedom-est" country in the world. More than 2,100 Americans died today from COVID-19, but somehow we're the greatest. USA! USA!

So hey. Remember what I was saying the other day about the federal government ordering the states to source their own supplies, and then swooping in and taking those supplies? Yeah. Today the Denver Post is reporting that last week, Colorado had a commitment to buy 500 ventilators ... until FEMA stepped in and ordered the seller to cancel the Colorado contract and sell those supplies to FEMA. And today, lo and behold, the president announced that he was sending 100 ventilators to Colorado "at the request of Senator [Cory] Gardner," a Republican who is up for re-election this year and is trailing his likely opponent, former Gov. John Hickenlooper, in the polls. Read that again. The federal government interfered in state business during a pandemic, then turned around and used that interference as a way to influence the campaign of a senator who supports the president. It's so gross I don't even have the words for it. Luckily, Colorado Sen. Jessie Danielson (D-Wheat Ridge) is here to help:

“It’s a racket. This is literally racketeering. The White House is keeping 80% of the ventilators they stole from Colorado — and bestowing 20% of what they stole as a political favor.”

And what about the other 400 ventilators? Oh don't worry, the administration has a plan for those too. Another 100 ventilators went to Arizona, where Sen. Martha McSally (a Republican who was appointed to her seat after the death of John McCain) is losing in the polls to Captain Mark Kelly, an astronaut and the husband of former Rep. Gabby Giffords. It's curious, to say the least, that McSally and Gardner are widely perceived to be the two most vulnerable Republicans up for re-election this year.

So there you have it, another day in the dystopian hellscape America has become. Mike was home from work today because his company has started "encouraging" employees to take unpaid time off one day a week. Which ... I'm glad he still has a job, particularly since his job is the source of our family's health insurance. BUT this kind of "voluntary" (it's not really) reduction in hours is also a way for the company to have it both ways: reducing its outlay while not allowing employees to file for unemployment. It's a win for everyone but the employees, but it's presented as something they should be grateful for. Good times.

Nationwide cases: 505,931. Deaths: 18, 817.

covid diary: day 30

I woke up this morning and found this on my desk:

That's right. We're to the stage of the pandemic where the 10-year-old figures out how to make his own mask out of paper towel and rubber bands (held together with staples). It breaks my heart that my kids are growing up in this world. They have to deal with school shooting drills, extreme weather drills (to be fair, we had tornado/fire drills too, but because of climate change, storms are much bigger and stronger today than they were back then), and now a global pandemic. They are growing up in a constant state of readiness for something terrible to happen to them or the people they love. And I can see it taking a toll on them each day.

In national news, the unemployment numbers came out this morning. Last week, 6.6 million people filed new claims for unemployment. In the past three weeks, more than 16 million people have filed new unemployment claims (and that figure doesn't even take into account people who get their hours reduced or who lose jobs but don't qualify for unemployment). The New York Times notes that 16 million is almost double the total unemployment figures for the entire Great Recession (which they're pinning at 2007-2009).

There are more and more reports coming out that the federal government, after having told the states to fend for themselves in terms of sourcing PPE and other supplies, has been seizing those supplies once the states procure them, with no explanation or justification. It's not clear exactly what happens to the supplies once the federal government seizes them, though it looks like the president's son-in-law's new medical supply company is a direct beneficiary of these seizures, as are states that curry favor with the president. In response, Governor Gavin Newsom of California is pretty much done dealing with the White House. He has announced that California is going to use its power as a "nation-state" to get the supplies the federal government has failed to provide. Further, he says that if California, which is a pretty wealthy and resource-rich state, has extras, it will help other states in need directly, without dealing with this federal BS. California has already sent shipments of ventilators to New York; Gov. Newsom instituted the first statewide stay-at-home order in the country, well before most other states, and as a result, California is weathering this crisis better than a lot of other places. And listen, this whole conflict between California and the federal government might turn out to be only pandemic specific ... but then again, it might not. It sure seems like Newsom is gearing up to really test Republicans' commitment to states' rights (which no doubt will evaporate if California uses those rights for the betterment of its people).

One last interesting story today: The New York Times had an article about the changing readings on the world's seismographs during this pandemic. I never really thought about it, but scientists measuring the earth's activity also pick up the activity of people — everything from kids playing on a school playground to construction equipment rumbling around to "Messiquakes" in Barcelona when soccer player Lionel Messi scores a goal, and the earth trembles with the force of the fans' celebration. But most of that is quiet now, and in the words of volcanologist Robin George Andrews, the “thumping pulse of civilization is now barely detectable.” Good job staying home, world!

Nationwide cases: 469,993. Deaths: 16,716.

covid diary: day 29

Here is something interesting I learned watching All In with Chris Hayes last night:

It makes complete sense that there is a toilet paper shortage because there are two different manufacturing streams for TP: one for home use, and one for industrial/work use. Home TP is a whole different product (softer and thicker than work TP), and they don't keep a lot of it on hand because it's more expensive to store than it's worth. So home TP companies figure that most people use their home toilets 50% of the time (or whatever), so they only make enough TP for that. But now everyone is home 100% of the time, so the use went way up but the manufacturing capability did not. (Which is to say that there is tons of work TP just sitting around not getting used, but they can't easily repackage that for home use.)

ALSO. A couple weeks ago we noticed that our grocery only had single bananas, and that they were small and kind of ugly. Turns out there's a reason for that too. There are also two different banana streams: grocery and restaurant. Grocery bananas are big and come in bunches. Restaurant bananas are tiny single bananas. So my grocery was apparently trying to offload a bunch of restaurant bananas now that many restaurants are closed.

Mysteries solved.

It's Wednesday, so around here that means elearning. And honestly, today was a very long year. I had my regular work job, plus a new short-term side project that came at just the right time for our finances but the wrong time for my ability to successfully cope with everything. I had to help Henry with some tech issues (and I am no tech genius, so it took a while) to get worksheets printed out so he could do his assignments and then turn them in (by taking pictures of the completed worksheets and submitting them online to his teachers). Max has gotten behind in some of his classes, so I had to help him (a) understand that getting behind now is unacceptable and (b) make a plan for him to get caught up. And Liam, who generally just gives me an oral rundown of what's happening but doesn't actually require my help, decided that today was a good day for us to fill out his National Honor Society application ... which is due tomorrow. By the time Mike got home, I was utterly exhausted, but we spent some time out on the patio just watching the birds and talking, and that helped.

Today, 1,889 Americans died from COVID-19 ... at least according to the official tally. However, in New York City alone this week, first responders found 245 people dead in their homes on Monday, and 280 on Tuesday (today's numbers aren't available yet). On a normal pre-pandemic day, NYC first responders see 25 to 30 such deaths, so these numbers are clearly significant. City and state officials acknowledge that most of those deaths are probably attributable to COVID-19, though they can't officially be counted because the people never received tests. These are the people who were told to isolate at home, not to call 911 unless the situation was dire. And they ended up isolating, suffering, and dying at home too. New York is going to start reporting these as probable cases, but think about it: If this is happening on such a large scale in New York City, wouldn't it stand to reason that it's happening on a much smaller scale everywhere else? How many people will experience a death like this and not be able to know for sure what happened to their loved one? Imagine the agony of that.

Against this backdrop of national and personal horror and grief and tragedy, here is what the president tweeted today (among plenty of other things; this is just the most egregious): "Once we OPEN UP OUR GREAT COUNTRY, and it will be sooner rather than later, the horror of the Invisible Enemy, except for those that sadly lost a family member or friend, must be quickly forgotten. Our Economy will BOOM, perhaps like never before!!!" His focus is on the economy, which most likely will not actually BOOM like never before, but the people who have lost a family member or friend are merely a parenthetical. Also he wants us to forget this horror. I will never be able to forget being sequestered in my home for weeks and weeks, watching helplessly as other Americans die alone, either in their hospital beds with no visitors, or in their homes; as their families grieve and can't even hold each other for comfort or carry out the rituals (like funerals or other gatherings) that help them to process the loss; as people in my community and communities across the world get seriously ill, knowing that even those who recover will likely have lifelong medical issues; as I wait for this virus to claim someone I know. I'll never forget that. Will you?

And I'll never forget who allowed it to get this bad by withholding the true scope of the problem from the American people, spreading misinformation, downplaying the risk, and pressuring people to go back to work. Not to mention the political "leaders" who are profiting from owning stocks in companies that make certain medications and then promoting those medications as miracle cures, political "leaders" who suddenly formed medical supply companies that are supplied by the federal government seizing personal protective equipment rightfully purchased by individual states, and political "leaders" who engaged in insider trading to save themselves by selling stocks once they heard intelligence briefings about how bad this would get, but leaving the rest of us in the dark to face the consequences alone. No, those are not likely to ever slip my mind, no matter how the post-pandemic economy turns out to be.

Nationwide cases: 435,609. Deaths: 14,833.

covid diary: day 28

Some things of note today:

So you know that unproven drug the president has been urging Americans to take every day during his daily press conferences? The one the nation's medical experts are urging extreme caution on because there isn't enough data to prove that it's effective, and also because people rushing to stockpile this drug is causing people who actually need it for other conditions (like lupus) not to be able to get it, and also because it can kill you by causing fatal heart problems? Yeah, to the shock of absolutely no person ever, the New York Times is now reporting that the president directly invested in a French firm that makes that drug. There is no bottom to his grift.

A newly released memo shows that the White House knew by January 29 that millions of Americans could get sick and die from COVID-19, and that it would cost trillions of dollars to the economy. But they deliberately decided not to warn the American people or take any measures that could flatten the curve earlier. (Note that Trump was still saying at the end of March that the economy would reopen by Easter, and it was only two weeks before that when he decided to stop saying that the pandemic would miraculously go away and everything would be fine, like a miracle.) They knew. They let this happen. They made this happen.

The prime minister of the United Kingdom, Boris Johnson, has COVID-19. Yesterday he was hospitalized, and last night he was moved to the ICU and put on oxygen. As far as I know, he's the first head of state to become seriously ill as a result of the coronavirus. Let me be clear: I hope he recovers quickly and with no lasting effects. But I can't help but remember that in mid-February, he was taking a vacation with his pregnant fiancee. In early March, he was suggesting that it might be a good idea for the UK to "take it on the chin" so the country could develop herd immunity. By mid-March, he said, "I must level with you, level with the British public, many more families are going to lose loved ones before their time." I'm guessing his idea to take it on the chin feels a little different when he's the one in the ICU. But like I said, I wish him a full and speedy recovery, along with an epiphany that leads him to advocate for better policies for his country and around the world.

Wisconsin is holding its statewide primary today. Which is complete and utter bullshit. Governor Evers signed an executive order yesterday postponing the primary, but the Republican legislature contested it, and the Wisconsin State Supreme Court and eventually the U.S. Supreme Court sided with the Republicans. This is despite the fact that Republicans at every level (including the president) are on record as saying that things like voting by mail can't be allowed because they give more people the chance to vote, and when voter turnout is up, Democrats tend to win. (Confidential to Republicans: Hey, just spitballing here, but maybe you should work on changing your garbage platform to win over more voters honestly, instead of holding on to power through voter suppression, voter roll purges, and gerrymandering. P.S. The reason you lose is that your policies suck, and if you can't win unless you cheat, you should think of a different strategy.) At the Supreme Court, the decision was, of course, 5-4. Justice Ginsburg completely nailed it in her dissent: “The majority of this court declares that this case presents a ‘narrow, technical question.’ That is wrong. The question here is whether tens of thousands of Wisconsin citizens can vote safely in the midst of a pandemic. ... Either they will have to brave the polls, endangering their own and others’ safety. Or they will lose their right to vote, through no fault of their own. That is a matter of utmost importance — to the constitutional rights of Wisconsin’s citizens, the integrity of the state’s election process, and in this most extraordinary time, the health of the nation.” Wisconsin is also suffering from an extreme lack of poll workers, because the majority of poll workers are older people, who are more at risk during this pandemic. This means that many polling places are shut down, and the lines at the open ones are unbelievably long (and dangerous to everyone who is in line). I read an account this morning that said the line was six blocks long 20 minutes after the polling place opened, and it's only getting worse.

Photo credit: Patricia McKnight/Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Grocery store workers are starting to die from COVID-19. It's no surprise since they've been exposed repeatedly to people shopping. We've limited our shopping to once a week, but maybe we'll have to try to cut it back even further.

In short, everything is a nightmare and none of us can wake up. On the home front, Mike went back to work today and learned that 12 people on his shift had been laid off, along with even more people on each of the other two shifts. All employees are being "encouraged" to take unpaid days off Friday and Monday. My cousin works in the warehouse for the same company, and she reported that 11 people (including her) took voluntary "curtailment" until May 1, meaning they are laid off and will be able to get unemployment but are expected to be called back to work May 1. This option wasn't offered to people at the plant where Mike works. It seems like his job is secure *for now* but the unemployment line is becoming a real possibility for both of us.

Nationwide case: 402,383. Deaths: 12, 935. Note that 1,906 people died today alone, the worst single-day total thus far (but probably won't be the worst overall). It was a bad day for the state too, but we're not expected to hit our peak until later this month.

covid diary: day 27

I tried very hard to disengage from the news over the weekend, and just have some sense of normalcy. It didn't work very well, but I tried.

On Sunday afternoon, my colleagues and I got the email we had been dreading: our boss had to let seven people go, and keep the rest on reduced hours. There were 24 of us to start, and now there are 17. I'm grateful that I still have a job, and that my work friends do too, but I worry for the people who got cut. My boss has applied to several relief programs for small businesses, including the one run by the federal government, but he's not counting on any of it going through, largely because the federal program is so poorly run as to be criminal. What is the point in setting aside massive funds to offer relief to small businesses if you don't also create a working mechanism by which those businesses can get that relief? It's all so far beyond frustrating that I don't have words for it.

In good news, we finished the office project, and now I am probably done taking on new projects, at least for a little while. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out though. Behold!

Here are the before pics. The office suffered from the same problems as the library: stained carpet and aggressively neutral paint.

I picked what I thought was a soft buttery yellow for the walls, only once I got the first coat on, I discovered that it was really a virulent Big Bird yellow. And I despaired for a while, then went downstairs and found all the stores of old white paint we have in the basement. I added a gallon and a half of white to the remaining bright yellow (which was also about a gallon and a half) and ended up with a color much closer to what I had envisioned.

It took three coats of the new home-mixed yellow to completely cover the walls, so I was a painting machine for most of the week. Mike put in the subfloor on Friday while I worked on my laptop in the other room, and Saturday morning I got to work laying the carpet tiles. There are a lot more weird angles in this room, so it was a challenging process, but eventually I got it right. Mike put the trim back in Saturday afternoon, and Sunday we spent the day putting the room back together so I could get back to work today. So here it is, my new and very cheerful work space.

 

Meanwhile, in the rest of the world, we're being warned that this week and next week will be "grim," possibly the worst two weeks of the crisis. I'd like to believe that means this is the peak and things will get better after that, but I don't think that's actually the case. This might be the peak for New York, and for some other areas, but it's definitely not the peak for many places. Oregon doesn't expect to see a peak until May, for example. Indiana's peak is predicted to be later in April, but all these predictions depend on people staying home and isolating properly. Which is hard to do if, say, you have to go back to work tomorrow like Mike does. I'm afraid for him, and for all of us.

Nationwide cases: 368,453. Deaths: 11,007.

covid diary: day 24

Today was another elearning day, and I listened in on Henry's online classroom meeting. His teacher, Mrs. U, did their morning circle time, and asked the kids to talk about something that is happening in their lives.

kid 1: My dad is unemployed now.
kid 2: My mom lost her job too.
Mrs. U: It's really hard, I know, my husband just got laid off too.
kid 3: My mom works at the hospital overnight and it's scary.
kid 4: My update is no good, I can't say it.
kid 4's mom: We lost a family member to COVID-19 last night.
And on and on and on.

I am devastated for all these children, all these families who are living through this terror and grief and uncertainty. How will their lives change because of this? They will see their family members lose jobs, get sick, and in some cases die — how will that shape the adults these children will become? And what kills me is that this is so unnecessary. If we had a responsible, responsive, transparent federal government, this crisis would be nowhere near how it is today. Look at our friends in Canada. Look at our counterparts in South Korea. It doesn't have to be this way. These children (along with every other American) do not have to suffer like this.

On the home front, some excitement: Our next-door neighbor decided to burn down his old chicken coop, which is right on the property line. His method was notable: he used a FLAMETHROWER. What could possibly go wrong? Oh, I don't know ... maybe he could set our pasture on fire while he was at it? That's exactly what happened. It was just a small section, and he brought over fresh eggs from his chickens by way of apology, but still it was deeply weird. And also very odiferous, considering that the wind was blowing the wrong way and we had our windows open for the first nice day of the season. We may never get the stench removed.

Also, my sisters decided to play a prank on me and got me pretty good. Here's what happened: The Amazon delivery person came this morning with a package containing a bag of Hershey kisses and a box of novelty paperclips in the shape of various animals. That's weird, I thought. I didn't order this. But Easter is around the corner, so I figured someone was sending a package for the boys. I asked my mom, Bethany, and Erin, but none of them sent it. I had mentally eliminated Avalon because she just gave the boys those big care packages last week. Then Radu started his fire brigade and I forgot about it for a while ... until I got a text from an unknown (though local) number with a picture of the package on my porch (this is how Amazon confirms delivery to the sender) and a message reading "I hope you enjoyed your gift before it melted." I texted back to politely say I didn't recognize the number and ask who it was, but got no response. Great. So this just went from WEIRD to CREEPY. I texted a screen cap of the exchange to my mom and sisters, and Bethany started telling me she thinks I have a stalker. She maybe overplayed her hand, because then I got the bright idea to Google the number, and buried in one of the results I found the name of one of Avalon's friends as a possible connection to that number. I found this information just as I got a facetime call from Avalon, so I answered, "I know it was you, asshole!" and she laughed and laughed for about a million years because she and Bethany had concocted the whole thing. But I'M the one with a bowl full of kisses and a drawer full of fun paperclips, so who's laughing now, AVALON?

So on we go, to the weekend, whatever that means.

Nationwide cases: 278,173. Deaths: 7,208.

covid diary: day 23

No major update for today. Things continue to be terrifying in the world, and pretty calm inside our house. My office is all torn apart today because we're working on the floor, so I don't even have my desktop computer set up. The boys worked on cursive some more (letters g, y, and q). We're almost through the lowercase letters, and then it's on to capitals.

So today's update is basically status quo for us, while infection and death rates soar across the country, particularly in New York.

Nationwide cases: 245,666. Deaths: 4,719.

covid diary: day 22

And on we go, into April.

Hospitals are still in crisis. Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York talked at length about the struggle to get personal protective equipment, ventilators, bag valve masks, and other supplies the hospitals desperately need. In the absence of a federal response, he said, all 50 states are left to bid against each other for the same pool of resources. "It's like being on eBay with 50 other states," he said. And then FEMA swoops in at the end and outbids them all, and nobody wins. Cuomo asked the question that's been on my mind too: What sense does this make? What sense at all? The federal government should be acting as the purchasing agent for everyone, to keep prices low and to ensure supply for all states based on need. Instead, the federal government is leaving states to muddle through on their own, and giving supplies preferentially to states whose governors praise the president personally, while withholding those same supplies from states whose governors (rightfully) criticize the president's response. It's unbelievable, but here we are.

As of today, more than 5,000 people have died from COVID-19 in America. And we're not even close to the peak. Governor Cuomo said today that New York might not peak until the end of April, but even after the peak, people will still be dying in dramatic numbers. By contrast, in his press conference/televised campaign rally, today the president spent time bragging about being "number one on Facebook," whatever that means. His focus is always himself, not the 5,000 families in mourning, not the 200,000 people suffering enough from this disease to have been granted a test, not the health care workers who put their lives on the line every day to care for us. His focus is only himself. As I said, unbelievable, but here we are.

Meanwhile at home, life proceeds. Spring break is over, so the boys had their first elearning day of the week today. Each of them had online meetings with their teachers and classmates throughout the day. It's a lot to keep track of, but thankfully the boys seem to have a pretty good handle on what to do. We had a cursive lesson yesterday, letters n, m, and x. Work was very busy yesterday, and I was so thankful, but then today it was so slow that I worried incessantly about being let go entirely. There's no middle ground anymore.

Tonight my mom regretfully canceled our family Easter celebration. It was the right choice without a doubt, but I know how much it cost her to make it. Every year, it's the most joyous time. People eat good food (outside, when it's nice), and we get to watch all the kids do the egg hunt, and then people fly kites and sit and talk together. It's as relaxed as a big gathering can be, and the sole focus is enjoying each other. The boys are sad too, because Jeffirs Easter is the best holiday (they say, and I agree). For us, Easter is all about love, and this year, the best way to show that love is to stay away. It's as simple — and as devastating — as that.

Nationwide cases: 216,762. Deaths: 5,148.

covid diary: day 21

March has been the longest month of my life. And probably yours too. Thirty-one days, but it feels like a lifetime has passed. On March 1, there were 94 cases of COVID-19 in the U.S. Trump was still saying that it was no big deal, just like the flu, everyone would recover quickly, and nothing bad would happen. We were watching the news from China, from Italy, and thinking it could get bad here, but we had no idea. We still really have no idea how bad it can get, but now we know that it can get really bad, really fast. Even in a place like Indiana, which has been relatively low in terms of infection rates. Look at the change in the past 10 days:

Again, that's 10 days. And those numbers are with extremely limited testing. Only very sick people are able to get the test. The majority of people (thank goodness) won't get that sick, so they won't get tested. But look again at those maps, and then think that this is a minority, something like 20 percent of the actual number of people who have this virus. Are you scared? Are you as scared as I am?

And still, I keep seeing arguments that guns/car accidents/flu/whatever kill more people per year than COVID-19. As if that's an argument that we shouldn't be taking this seriously. It's not like the flu; people have no immunity to this virus. There's no vaccine. There's no "coronavirus season" that we know of. And it's definitely not like guns or car accidents. You can't choose not to get COVID-19. You can't choose what you do with it. There are no seat belts (metaphorically speaking) that can improve your chances, and there's no requirement for licensing or minimum education in place that can minimize accidents by increasing knowledge of best practices. Honestly, this isn't like anything else except for a different novel pandemic. You can legitimately compare it to the 1918 flu pandemic, for example. But that's it. And people minimizing this make me so angry because they're not just risking their own lives; they're risking the lives of every single person they come into contact with.

And listen, I get that it's hard. I am so used to seeing my parents, to having the boys see my parents. I value that relationship more than almost all others. My parents treasure the boys, and the boys treasure them right back. I am in constant gratitude that the boys have them to learn from, to spend time with, to know. And in the past three weeks, we've seen them once, across the wide expanse of a cemetery. And we don't know when it will be safe to see them again. It's impossibly hard. And we multiply that by everyone we care about but can't see right now. But we know that this isolation is keeping all of us safer, so we make do with phone calls, with facetime, with texts. We make do.

I'm not going to lie. This sucks, and I'm fairly certain we won't get through it without having it personally affect us in one way or another. But what choice do we have right now except to take it seriously and take any measures within our power to protect ourselves and the people we love?

Nationwide cases: 189,978. Deaths: 4,093.